I never thought the day would come

It's been so long!

2011-09-25T22:13:00.003-04:00

Where do I even begin? It has been so long since I've sat down to update this blog...Here is my best attempt:

Two of my kids had birthdays in August. They're growing so fast, and I love them more and more each day.

My youngest has started preschool. He loves it. I love it, and he's a super cutie!

We're still in the process of becoming a foster family in our community. Our fingerprints (everyone's fingerprints) have been held up & we're waiting for those to come back to become officially licensed.

I went to a conference for worship leaders. I loved it. It was so amazing to be in a room full of musicians, praising God through song and sound. I also got to hear Matt Chandler deliver an awesome message one evening that I'll always remember.

That's pretty much what has been going on since my last visit.

It's Over

2011-08-15T11:41:00.004-04:00

Summer is over and the school year has begun!

There were tears (only from me the night before, but still), excitement (lets see how long this lasts) and anticipation floating around our house this morning. I awoke to three children up, two dressed and their teeth all brushed (before breakfast...so they got to brush twice this morning).

My Little Big Guy headed off to his classroom with ease, and we headed to the Kindergarten class room for my Little Lovely. She is as tough as nails, and she's hasn't cried about me leaving since she was eighteen months old. However, when she got to her quiet classroom, I saw the face. She wanted to be brave so badly. I know those eyes (the "I want to cry so much right now, but I just won't" eyes). This caught me so off guard, but I reassured her with a smile and a, "I'll see you soon, sweetie. Have a good day!". She gave me a tiny pitiful wave, and I headed back to the car. I heart broke, but now I needed to put on my brave face for my Little Guy who was heading home with me (not to mention that I didn't want the be that parent lingering in the hall with misty eyes).

I can't wait to pick them up to hear about their day at school. This house is just too quiet!

Three Weeks To Go

2011-07-24T23:00:00.002-04:00

Well, our family vacation is over. It was wonderful, and now it's back to reality. In three short weeks, school will start back up for the kids. We'll have to slow down for school zones. Life will turn back into a whirlwind of calendars, scheduling, homework and projects. Seriously, ever year I think about going back to homeschooling my kids again, and I would if I ever saw anything that effected their academics or behavior at home. So far, the teachers and school has been great.

And with school fresh in your mind now, let me say that we went back to school shopping for supplies this evening. Now, if that doesn't slap you in the face that school is around the corner then nothing will!

Still Summer

2011-06-12T23:26:00.005-04:00

What have we been doing lately? Well, it's summer break, and we've been doing a whole lot of nothing (as it should be). We've been laying low for a week or so before busy sets in. Soon we'll be running to vacation Bible school, basketball camps and vacation spots.

I still haven't heard a child say that they're bored, yet (this may be a record for us).

Stephen and I are continuing to take classes on domestic adoption and we have seven (I think) classes left. We end right when school picks up again, so the adults don't get a break this year (shocking). We're enjoying this new date night of sorts. Before class, we grab some dinner and head in to the class a little early. We pick our table and eat while others file in. Any time is quality time, right?

So summer, so far you've been good to us, and we appreciate it. Thanks for not slapping us with sunburns and boredom...we really do love having you around, and we wish that you could stay longer!

It's Here...

2011-06-02T14:55:00.002-04:00

Summer, it's here! Today is our first day at home where we didn't have to wake up early (well, we did because everyone is still on a school schedule inner clock) and keep moving until evening baths and bedtimes. No one has mumbled that they're bored (yet), and I think that puts us in a good position to have a wonderful summer break. Here is what I've planned to battle the boredom:

1) Dentist appointments (whoo hoo, I know...but the pediatric dentist is almost like a trip to Sea World with the theme in this office)

2) Basketball Camp (and MAYBE a staycation in there for the ones not attending)

3) Vacation (We're planning a theme park, aquarium, fireworks and the beach)

4) Work Books (have to keep what they've learned fresh in their brains)

5) Baking (always have supplies stashed for emergencies)

6) The pool (always a winner)

7) The Beach (we're only 30 minutes away)

8) Movies (I heart Netflix!)

9) Getting Lost (my friend let me in on this last summer...get in the car with the kids & act like I'm lost, but in reality we're just having a mini road trip around the area)

10) Vacation (to see some mountains)

I'm looking forward to it...I guess that I'll be blogging later about how my plans go!

Oh Ya....

2011-05-21T17:08:00.003-04:00

Kids go through different stages. I have three kids, and you'd think that I know this by now. Apparently, I'm rather hard headed or suffer from amnesia. My youngest has started to turn up his nose at dinner time. I could be serving his most favorite, junky thing and he'd tell that that he didn't want it. I start out feeling quite confident that I can handle such a minor situation. Then, the time ticks by an hour has passed, he still hasn't eaten; my nerves are shot, and I am even at the point of tears (suppressed of course). I don't want to yell. I don't want to make dinner time un-enjoyable for everyone. Where's my 50's TV version of the family around the dinner table talking about their day? I take a breath, pray (yes, actually pray to God that I can control myself), and realize that things aren't in black in white around here but in color (symbolic, isn't it). Again, kids go through stages. This too shall pass. And day, he's wife will be writing on a blog about getting her kids to eat....

It's not JUST for the kids!

2011-04-21T08:13:00.004-04:00

While driving in the car yesterday, I asked my son if he knew what Friday was. "Yes, it's earth day."-he said. This took a moment for me to register. Then the guilt set in. He didn't know off of the top of his head that this Friday is Good Friday. Other questions set in, "Does he even know what that means?" "Am I not teaching him?"...

Instead of a freak out moment, I used this as a teaching/reminding moment. I shared with him the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. I explained that Jesus died on the cross on what we call Good Friday, and that it is Good because it was to cover all of our sins.

I love these moments with the kids! Not only do I get to share with the ones whom I love the most about Christ...but I get to be reminded why we celebrate different holidays, pray and follow the Bible. It's not just for the kids!

All Aboard!

2011-04-09T08:27:00.002-04:00

We're on the potty train! My third charm has been potty training for several days now (enough said, but I'll keep writing) and here is my list of thoughts about it all (yup, I think about it...all potty all the time):

1) M&M's work wonders (one candy at a time)

2) ALWAYS keep the washing machine on standby

3) Stock up on Clorox Wipes

4) Thank the heavens for tile floors

5) I'm grosser than I give myself credit for

6) The potty victory dance is REAL

7) I drop EVERYTHING when I hear, "need to potty"

8) Tiny underpants are adorable

9) Carry extra clothes & plastic bag with you at all times

10) Have a sticker chart for back up in case M&M's fail

11) It's like having a puppy in the house (their not allowed on the furniture or carpets)

12) Can I really be sad over not changing diapers anymore? I'm sick....

Phase II

2011-04-08T10:19:00.002-04:00

So, I've been thinking about making this my "family's" blog and having another one for just me and my thoughts, etc....We'll see how that goes. My blog will be here: http://faithfulheartwhispers.blogspot.com

My Sweetie Pie Princess

2011-04-01T23:28:00.003-04:00

My little girl has been so lovely and sweet lately! She's really growing up and maturing (at the ripe 'ol age of 4). She's the hardest of my three to discipline (because she's so much like me). However, it's always so rewarding to see her make the right choices (that's progress...she's learning...I'm doing something right...she IS listening!). That's why I'm taking her out tomorrow for a girl's day. We're getting her some Sketchers ("I've just been dreaming about Sketchers, Mommy, for such a long time..."), share a smoothie ("Smoo-dee"), and watch a movie (or get her nails done...she can't decide). I love being a mom. I love being her mom, and I love that God has blessed me with each day that I'm here to enjoy them!

Anxiety...

2011-04-01T23:02:00.007-04:00

We've all had fear wave over us from time to time (the honesty starts here, people). However, I know that this is something that I struggle with. It started after my grandmother passed away (I still miss her terribly) from a battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (gulp, very scary word right there). I heard of the pain and sorrow that she carried, and it left me scarred (heavy stuff, I know).

Fast forward life a bit, my husband was diagnosed with Stage II melanoma (fine now, and has a very handsome scar), and two years ago I was thrown on a roller coaster of Post Partum Preeclampsia. I was too be celebrating the arrival of my healthy son's birth, but instead, I was in the hospital fighting for my life. I'm still using medication to this day because of it (yea, blood pressure meds).

Anywho, with all of this baggage I now tend to fly off of the handle when faced with health abnormalities (I mean, we are the picture of the abnormal...Webster called and wants our family photo next to the definition). I do my best to trust in the Lord (the verse is even on the wall in my bathroom...love vinyl lettering). I still struggle. That's why I just ask for prayer when craziness is thrown my way. I don't feel like I'm strong enough to keep it together under pressure. That's how everyone knows when I'm at the doctor (for yet another test or procedure...see above abnormality magnet comment)

...My latest affliction: armpits. They (my left more than my right) hurt (sore, uncomfortable, ache...no lumps, no bumps, no rash...TMI?) and I'll be asking my doctor about it soon (because I can't just ignore it...).

Here's a request cool cucumbers, give us scardy cats a break, will ya? I am so jealous of your types that breeze by life without as much as a cold to trip you up, and the fact that you can pass off a pain in your side (that's been nagging for months) and not think about it. I wasn't made that way (the Lord knows how he made me...c-r-a-z-y). Just thank God that you don't have my useless storage of medical information (I totally missed my calling as Dr. House), and get a good night's sleep for me!

Love Love LOVE

2011-03-25T22:15:00.003-04:00

If I could slow life down, this would be the time...this right here.

~We're settling into a home that has enough room for all of us (yup, TWO bathrooms!) AND has a dishwasher (do you really know what a luxury that is?). ~We're all healthy (now that I've typed that the ball is going to drop, but for right now...). ~ My two year old is hilarious & the whole family is loving that he's a part of our family (serious cuteness!) ~ My daughter has been eating meals well & acting so sweetly to others (see previous blog posts if this sounds like no big deal) ~ My oldest has found a sport that he loves; he hasn't had a headache in a while, either! (another great kid) ~ My husband is back working five day work weeks instead of four... God has blessed us. I totally see it and am so very thankful. I want to blog more about how much I love sitting outside on our back patio to just sit in our wonderful chairs (that are EXACTLY like my grandparent's deck chairs that I loved so much) and look at the tree line, sky and grass...feeling the lake breeze and just breath...this is a great time in my life and God still has something better to come, wow!

I love it....life....

Lack of Faith? ME?

2011-03-14T21:23:00.004-04:00

Wow. What a day. First off, let me start out by updating you about my visit to the surgeon today. I told myself all day that I wasn't going to break down in this office & show tears (so you know that means that I totally cried, right?). I held it all in until I sat down with the nurse (lucky her). After the initial new patient run through I was escorted to the ultrasound room & got into a gown and waited. I prayed; I counted ceiling tiles; I prayed, and I stared at a piece of art on the wall, too. The doctor knocked on the door & came in. She asked me about my visit with the OBGYN last Thursday & proceeded to examine me. First, she felt around the opposite breast that wasn't causing the trouble. Then, she started on the other side. I held my breath and kept praying. She looked perplexed; I looked concerned over her perplexion (Yep, now I'm making up words). "I don't feel anything here. Am I looking in the right area?" she questioned. "Ummm...I'm not sure, maybe" I fumbled. The doctor then reached for the ultrasound wand. She searched, moved it around and told me that nothing was there. Everything looked perfectly normal (even those pesky lymph nodes that freak me out). She searched my armpit, all the same. HUH? WHAAA? A.W.E.S.O.M.E! She told me that she'd like to see me again in six months to double check everything, but she was pleased with not finding anything. I got to leave the office without a needle touching my skin. God answered my prayer...but what was that prayer in the first place? While breathing a sigh of relief and praising God in the car a thought hit me right between the eyes while I was writting an email. "God answered my most fleeting prayer"....Sure, I prayed to God over all of this. I prayed that it wouldn't be cancer. I prayed that I could handle myself if a cyst needed draining. I prayed that I'd be comforted. I prayed for peace...but what else? I prayed the words "....or just make it go away, Lord." Here's the issue. I mumbled those words a few times, but I don't think that I actually thought that it would happen. Where was my faith? I thought that I totally put my faith in Jesus, but I fell short. I uttered those words with the smallest piece of faith behind them (ya, insert the mustard seed passage here)...did I put God in that small box and really think that I could control the outcome by manipulating a prayer (if I pray this way... A + B = C, right?). I didn't even realize the lack of my faith (I'm sorry, Lord...I confess it)... May I learn from this. May I use the words that I pray carefully, and have faith behind every single word, too.

Rolling With the Punches

2011-03-13T21:53:00.005-04:00

Sometimes, I just feel a bit beat up. Then again, I realize that there are a lot of people out there who have it worse than me. Here's my latest...
Last Thursday I went to my yearly OBGYN exam (fun times). While there, I asked her about some pain (in my armpit & breast) that I've been having. She did a physical exam & found a "nodule" (great). She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to see the surgeon (and soon) to get this checked out (super great).
Well, I'm heading in on Monday at 1:00 to a breast specialist & surgeon to get this diagnosed. Here's my silver lining: The surgeon is a mammogram specialist as well & will be able to tell me right away what's going on (instead of waiting for someone else to read the tests & call me back)... Ya, that's all of the silver lining that I've got right now....I'm praying that I'll be updating this blog tomorrow with good news!

I'm Sold!

2011-02-16T23:34:00.005-05:00

Normally, I can't stand Valentines Day. I would get all worked up and hopeful about the day (even as a child), only to be let down that no one professed their undying love/affection for me & that they'd be admiring me from afar (Ya, I blame movies and TV for that. Why not? Everyone else has a scapegoat these days). So, I just renamed it Charles Dicken's Day (because we all carry Great Expectations around on that day...get it?).

Alright, now that we've established that I'm a little bitter about that day and would rather ignore it I want to share that this one was pretty great! (As if you didn't see that one coming). Here's what happened:

1) I woke up to a card and my favorite candies (Ferrero Rocher's)

2) My family had a very nice dinner together (that I didn't cook!) that consisted of courses (fancy, I know).

3) My daughter and I got flowers from my husband (Getting flowers was awesome, but seeing my daughter's reaction was priceless & precious)

4) My son gave the family a valentine that he made & wrote a poem in ( I love that kid)

5) I was given fancy cupcakes from a bakery (so so so GOOD)

6) My mom and I watched a chick flick movie together

What a great day, right? Maybe, I'll let Valentine's Day come again next year!

More Test Results

2011-02-05T16:24:00.002-05:00

We've gotten more test results back from Little Guy's MRI and lab work. I've been holding my breath hoping and praying for the best, and God has blessed us again with good news. His labs don't indicate anything suspicious, and his MRI is clear of any masses. However, he does have a stubborn case of sinusitis. It's what is probably causing the weird eye issues. Our neurologist told me that she suspects that it was related to something viral or muscular that was causing the brain to "neglect" the muscles that work the eye.

We'll be heading back to our pediatrician to treat the sinusitis with a hardy round of antibiotics! Praise the Lord!

Parenting Experiments

2011-01-31T22:09:00.004-05:00

The road of being a parent is uncertain. One minute you're swerving past a mere pot hole or speed bump and the next you have to stop and figure out how to cross at an unclear path. Which direction do we go, or how do we get through this?

My latest small speed bump, meals & eating. My two year old (since being sick) has decided to not eat anything good for him and to live on crackers alone (and PB, goldfish, raisins, juice and milk). At first, I was concerned, but now I've realized that this new habit derived from me caving when he wasn't feeling good and letting him eat whatever he wanted all throughout the day. I mean, if I could get away with eating only my favorite things whenever I wanted and someone would actually bring it to me, no questions asked, I'd do it, too!

My plan of attack, scheduling. I seem to tackle every issue with a schedule or lists. I'm not allowing but one snack during the day, and if he doesn't eat the food he's given for the three meals a day, that's it, nothing more. I'm hoping that this will make him hungry at dinner time. Lately, he hasn't touched his food and won't try it. I was thinking that if a person is hungry enough they'll eat, and if were anything more (medically speaking) he'd loose weight, and we'd cross that bridge when we come to it.

Yes, a new plan of action. It just goes to show that no matter what else is going on around you (school, projects, moving, EEG's, MRI's and such) life is moving on....

Results & Update

2011-01-31T16:15:00.004-05:00

I got Little Guy's EEG results in the mail today. It was a big relief to read that we don't have to head in to the hospital to have another test done (Meaning: he cooperated enough during the office EEG to not disturb the test), and that his results were normal.

The next bridge to cross comes tomorrow. We'll be paying the hospital a visit to have a MRI of the brain done in the afternoon. Little Guy will have to be sedated by anesthesia, and that will be no fun for me to watch.

I'm praying that these results also come back normal, and that the problem with his eye will be muscular that will have to be monitored over the next few years as he developes further and grows.

Here we go, again...

2011-01-27T10:43:00.002-05:00

So, my little guy (the two year old) has been doing some weird things with one eye. That led me to visit the pediatrician; he sent me to the neurologist. She's issuing tests (EEG & MRI)...
Not too long ago, we had to go through similar testing for my little big guy (the seven year old) for his headaches.
So....here we go, again...

Only a few days in...

2011-01-05T11:01:00.002-05:00

Well, we're only a few days into the new year and my life is already transforming into something that I don't recognize. I don't know if I'll like the changes coming my way, but it's time to suck it up and keep on moving.
Change number one, we're moving. It is a bittersweet moment. We get to move our family into a home that will actually fit everyone, but packing up the house where I've raised my children thus far & almost lost my life (after my last pregnancy to preeclampsia) brings up uncharted emotions. I also feel like I am letting down my kids with out the stability of a home that they'll grow up in (because we plan to rent our next home, not buy). Also, after being gone for thirteen years, I'm returning to my parent's house (with a husband and three kids in tow) until we can find this illusive rental home. I've hit a new decade in life and I feel like we're back tracking. Hopefully, we can all live in peace, not kill each other until we can find the house.
Change number two, I'm back in school. Ya, it only is one class and it's online, but this is big news for me. I hate math and avoid it at all costs. This is the last class that I need to finish up my two year degree that I started so many years ago, yet interrupted by my fabulous first surprise (and I wouldn't ever change a thing about it). I figured that it was about time to grab the bull by its horns!
Change number three, I don't know what's coming next. That's the part that bothers me the most. I'm a planner, and right now, I have no direction or plans. I can't make any. This is where the "cup half empty or full" plays in. I could go either way (optimist or pessimist)...I know what my instinct is geared for, and perhaps I'm trying to find the silver lining...Maybe that should be change number four!

He's Two

2010-12-22T11:19:00.001-05:00

Time Flies & Years Pass but he'll always be my Little Guy

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This is how I like it...

2010-12-01T20:39:00.003-05:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

Who am I kidding? The tropical climate that we live in doesn't allow room for seasons. The only real way that we know what time of year it is, are the Christmas lights that are covering every immobile objects in people's yards.

One may think that I'm complaining, but think otherwise. Last year, we got about four solid weeks of really cold weather (at least for us). It wasn't pretty. I ran out of warm clothes for me & the kids...and I turned into kind of a wimp.

No, I'd much rather vacation somewhere cold, icy and snow laden and come back to my slightly chilled home state. So now I have a new dream, of sorts. One day, I hope to build a cabin up north a bit and vacation there when the leaves change and snow falls; we'll keep a home here and get the best of both worlds...who's with me?

2010-11-20T14:51:00.002-05:00

We're getting ready for the holidays...the problem...we don't know where we'll be living. We have no idea if our house will be sold, and this makes it hard for me to decorate & get into the spirit of Christmas...This is where I write about how the important thing is, is that we're all together for the holidays...YES, it is very true...we are more than BLESSED to be together, no matter where we're laying our heads or opening presents...

Rambles and Rants

2010-11-08T23:34:00.003-05:00

Ups, downs, sideways and every which way...that's what my emotions are doing lately. Little Ezra Matthews (http://thematthewsstory.com) passed away this morning. He was two years old. My heart aches for his parents. I sob and wrestle with "why".
I believe in Jesus. I believe in praying, and I know the fundamentals of having faith and to pray. I know that God doesn't always answer how we'd like him to, but I just really wanted him to heal this little boy. When I watched a video of Ezra asking Jesus to "please, heal my cancer" I crossed the line of throwing myself into praying for this boy. I desperately wanted Jesus to hear Ezra's plea and to heal his cancer.
The answer was "no." HOW? I just can't wrap my mind around this. Within the last few months I've seen two children taken from their earthly family to be with Christ. I understand that they are MUCH better off there, and that they are finally healed...but I so selfishly wanted them to be healed...celebrate a miracle & have no more tears shed over such a horrible illness.
My heart is so heavy, and I turn to God...During times like these, I know that it's ok to be honest with God...It isn't like I'm going to surprise him with anything I say. I poured my anger, sadness and pleas into my prayers tonight. I just have to hold on to my faith that he hears, understands and forgives me.....

Tonight, We Dance

2010-11-01T21:00:00.006-04:00

We have a little tradition in our family. Well, it's more like outbursts of dance parties, and tonight we had one. Mommy or Daddy turn up some tunes & everyone lets loose with their best moves. Tonight was even more free & fantastic. We danced knowing that our little big guy is "tumor free." I danced thanking God for these miracles. I watched my son dance & thanked God for this outcome. I watched my daughter dance and thought about precious Ava Hunter who went to be the Lord several weeks ago...she would have turned six years old today & I thanked God for my little girl being here, this side of heaven for me to love on. I saw my youngest smile and dance with no inhibitions about anything & I saw myself like that, if only for a few precious moments tonight...I can dance...

Hold Me

2010-10-28T11:54:00.003-04:00

We all know that troubles rear their ugly head in life, and through it all we are to count it all joy if we follow Christ and understand his teaching. We're not supposed to be anxious about anything but to pray about everything. Yet, when these rough times do present themselves along my way, I struggle with my response & the response of others around me. Am I not allowed emotion? If it is permitted, which one is correct? I get angry with myself for being scared, anxious or tearing for feeling that they contradict my beliefs that Christ is indeed in control. Therefore, I get fearful that I am handling this wrongly each time it comes around.

With this in mind, I thought about Christ and his emotions while he was on the earth. Did he cry; did he get angry? The answer is an easy, yes. He cried for Lazarus, and he showed anger in the temple and cursed the fig tree. Am I comparing my ever changing emotions to those of Christ's holy and justified ones? Perhaps, I am a little. Clearly, I know that his emotions came from the most holy places in his heart, but this makes me feel better about how I am handling what my heart (sinful and broken, yet healed by his salvation) feels.

I can be angry or sad (or even both) as long as I don't allow it to consume my heart and mind, clouding my focus on Christ. Even through the tears I want my eyes and heart to focus on him. I think of my children who fall and get hurt. They're crying, hurt, angry and sometimes embarrassed when their delight takes a sudden turn to the unexpected pain, but I scoop them up in my arms. All the while they're sobbing, I'm holding them, just as he is holding me. I don't get angry or judge them for their crying. I don't question the severity of their pain. I just hold them, and I believe that is what Christ does for us. He holds us.

Therefore, cry and be angry when things get overwhelming if that is what your heart is feeling. Yet, run quickly into the arms of your Father who is waiting for you with arms wide open for his child. He'll hold you until the pain passes.

Stop Your Whining

2010-10-24T00:56:00.003-04:00

I am grateful for my family. Even though we seem to have our bumps in the road with health, they don't compare to so many others who are hurting for their children and begging God to heal them...through Ava's Daddy's blog (www.joshuajoelhunter.blogspot.com) I "met" this family ( http://thematthewsstory.com) and have been praying for them. Their story is nothing short of amazing...please, pray for them

What's Going On

2010-10-20T20:56:00.002-04:00

Since my last blog:

My mother in law had open heart surgery & is doing well...

We're still waiting to see an endocrinologist for my son's condition...

I have been maintaining my weight loss & now that I've been cleared by my doctors (clear CT heart scan) I'm back at the gym to lose the last 30 lbs before our next decision...

Our house has had two offers put in on it...

We don't know when or where we'd be moving...

Therefore, I can't seem to organize my thoughts well enough to complete an entertaining blog. So this is what you get...boring, I know...Here's a picture that may end this on a good note, though!

Dare for a Swim?

2010-10-09T23:03:00.004-04:00

I have an analogy that roams around in my mind. I see it like this:

Whenever I feel like I am stepping out into the great big ocean of God's work and blessing, Satan's sharks come swarming in. I dip a toe in, and one or two show up. Will I be brave enough to dive in even though the seeming danger is looming around me?

You see, I want to step out, and every time that we do as a family, something gets in our way to shake our foundation. The latest quake, our son's health. That's a big deal. We've dealt with our share of health issues as a mom and dad...but not our kids. These are really big sharks, here.

That makes me think, What is Satan trying to stop? What great things are in store if I do step out in faith? There must be something big in this ocean, a huge treasure trove just waiting to be discovered. Wish us luck! No wait, pray for us!

Not so Fast...

2010-10-06T20:35:00.002-04:00

OK, so yesterday we got great news that my son's MRI came back normal with no problems...GREAT! Not so fast....today we got the report back from his bloodwork. Something isn't right with his thyroid levels. So, back to the lab we went & now we are waiting on those results.
I'm terrified and feel like crying, but I want to lean on the Lord. I want to be strong for him, and not cause any more worry that he has to endure. Therefore, this blog is my outlet. I will cry when all are asleep & will hide out in another room if need be.
As I wait for these results, please, pray if you read this...I need it...even if this turns out to be nothing, I need it now for the unknown...and lets face it...I'm not that strong....

Small Update

2010-10-04T09:54:00.003-04:00

Well, two out of the three tests have been completed. By 3:00 this afternoon all three tests will be over with. Here comes the really hard part...waiting. I learned from the doctor's office this morning that they don't call UNLESS there is an abnormal result. Otherwise, you get a letter in the mail. Great, that means that every time my phone rings in a twelve hour period for about a week, I'll feel absolutely sick to my stomach.
Do me a favor, don't call...text.

Heading in for tests tomorrow...

2010-10-02T00:19:00.003-04:00

I'm taking my son in tomorrow for the MRI and bloodwork portion of testing. Clearly, I am anxious about this, but I am doing my best to not show that during the day. As a result, my anxiety pours out other places. Things seem to bother me more; I see that I'm hyper sensitive to words and actions, and all at the same time I feel like I am pushing people away without meaning to....or maybe they're pushing me away?

Update on My Guy...

2010-10-01T00:10:00.003-04:00

My husband and I took my son to the neurologist this afternoon. I was hoping for a "no big deal" speech (although I knew better in my heart), and she suggested further testing. This Saturday, we'll be venturing to our local hospital for an MRI & bloodwork, and at the beginning of next week he'll have an EEG performed in her office.
I'm trying to suck it up and be strong for him (and his sake), but it can be a bit rough at times. Keep praying & thanks!

All Choked Up...

2010-09-26T22:37:00.004-04:00

So, every time I think about this guy, I get choked up...I'm still scared and feel uneasy about his headaches (he's still having them) & I don't really want to blog about it, but I'm still praying about our neurologist appointment this Thursday....Could you pray, too?

Get Out of Funky Town...

2010-09-22T00:23:00.004-04:00

What a dangerous thing having a blog is. Why, you may ask? Because, ever since last Thursday I have been in a huge funk. Now, where else can a person vent their internal frustrations that the everyday world can't know about? Her blog of course! Here we go:

My oldest son has headaches. He's had them since he was around three years old (close to four). Anyway, they have now progressed to where they can make him sick to his stomach. Not only does my heart ache for him, but my brain will not stop turning fearing what is in his. (Warning, this may not make sense to a rational person).

Ever since school has started, he gets one of these wretched monsters once every week. The day varies, but they come every week....just once. Once is enough to get me on the crazy train. At a well child visit for my four year old, I mentioned this to his pediatrician. She suggested that we now consult a children's neurologist (Gulp, say what?).

Yes, so ever since that moment, I have been in a funk. I can't sleep well (even though I could just stay in bed). I am worrying over his health. I am fearful of what we'll find out. I'm dreading this visit, but it can't come soon enough. I burst into tears when I'm alone. I check on him a dozen times a night. I hug him longer, tell him I love him all of the time and I miss him when he's away, terribly.

I forget to shower...I honestly forgot to shower...my mind is so full of fear and crappy thoughts that I am neglecting myself. I don't want to bother my friends or family with my fears. Mostly, the subject gets quickly changed or I'm hiding out. I have health issues going on myself, but I don't really care...I have a CT scan myself on Thursday for my heart and how it's functioning, but I don't care...I care about him...

Ya'll I'm scared for my sweet boy. I love him so very much, and I don't want anything to be wrong with him. I pray to God every moment that he'll protect him (and everyone else in our family). Tears are streaming down my face as I type...my emotions are raw and exposed, but no one really reads this anyway, right...so strip them down, right?

Pray for him...please, pray for him. His mama is so scared...

Time Machine

2010-09-16T22:49:00.003-04:00

I want a time machine. I want to escape the reality of being an adult for a little while. I wish that I could be a care free kid again that didn't worry and had faith like a child. I would want to play with my children all day long and never get tired or anxious. I'd want to have sleep over parties, watch movies and eat popcorn with them...
Have you ever talked with a child about a bad dream that they had? My daughter woke up last night with a nightmare. She dreamt that her daddy went up a beanstalk and kept growing. That's it. No one was sick; no one died, and no one was trying to harm anyone else. Wouldn't that be awesome if our greatest fears were the same as what you can see in a cartoon?
As I sit here reading over my ramblings, it makes me wonder why I don't carpe diem! Maybe I should start planning a kid day or weekend for our family where we just take on ZERO responsibilities, each junk foods, watch movies, and play all day long until we drop! Hmmm....I smell another blog coming!

Saying Goodbye

2010-09-06T10:57:00.003-04:00

This little lovely said goodbye to her family yesterday and hello to Jesus. She was only five, and she has touched more lives than most will in a long lifetime. You can read her daddy's blog under "Worth Reading" links (see Ava's Family).

I have so much to say about this family and little girl, but somehow, I can't bring myself to typing. I'm heartbroken.

I'm privileged to know this family, and I've been praying for them daily during these last ten weeks (yes, only ten weeks). I will continue to pray for them during these hard times. Please, join with me, and so many others....

For Ava:

Hold her close Jesus, for we no longer can

Not too much longer until we meet again

A beautiful smile and laughter to follow

Their absence makes the heart hollow
Dancing with angels no longer in pain

Not too much longer until we meet again

Another log on the fire....

2010-09-04T11:20:00.004-04:00

It all started a little over a week ago. I was carrying my youngest into my daughter's preschool for pickup. When I sat down, I noticed a pain in my left side of my chest. (Ouch). To a "normal" person, this pain would have probably been ignored, but not by me. I kept checking my blood pressure and heart rate. The pain subsided. (Great, crisis averted).

However, while everyone rested that night, it all began again & was in different places on my left side (neck, shoulder, back...AHHH!). So, I did what any reasonable person would do (never think reasonably); I googled my symptoms (heart attack, what?!). Great, so now I was having the symptoms of a dire emergency. I tried to sleep it off, but the pain returned and remained.
I headed to see my GP to be safe and proactive (ya, and to ease my inner hypochondriac). He ran an EKG, listened to my heart and gave me the all clear (after telling me a horrid story of his worst heart attack patient who was 31...HUH?!). He did tell me that if my symptoms worsened or I began feeling ill, come back.

I left feeling reassured that I had pulled a muscle or was suffering from acid reflux. I could rest easy (ya, right). At least that is what I thought until I started getting clammy and nauseous the next evening (really? yes, really). Of course the GP office was closed at this point and my husband wasn't home. So, my parents came over & when my husband did make it home we were off to the ER.

They ran another EKG, chest xray, and blood work to check for the worst things (my blood pressure was great, by the way...go figure). My pains were still happening, and I was pretty scared at this point. They let me know that all was fine, but I needed to get a stress test done as soon as possible (great...).

After many phone calls (and annoying people) later, I had an appointment for a stress echocardiogram test (fancy phrase, I know). Yesterday, I found the building and was instantly horrified by the requirements. What is worse than running on a treadmill to test your hearts function? How about running in a hospital gown with no shirt or support (yes, that means bra) underneath? (In front of a man my age, nonetheless). Oh, and did I mention that I was wiped down with rubbing alcohol and my skin was sandpapered to attach the electrodes? (Yes, it burned...). I was one "are you ok?" from a total breakdown sob fest on the treadmill. My dignity stripped to nothing, I ran for ten minutes...this is what nightmares are made of, people!
Now I wait. Wednesday I have to head back to this office of torture and find out my results.

Forgive me for not being excited. In the meantime, I am enjoying my family. I see how wonderfully blessed I am to have the family that I do. I am even blessed to go through these trials of blood pressure, potential heart issues and preeclampsia to know how blessed I truly am (this is the craziest statement ever made, I know). If you'd like to pray for these results, I'd really appreciate it. I want to enjoy my family for many years to come!

He's turning seven!

2010-08-27T17:27:00.001-04:00

Our family's closing up the month of August with another birthday. My oldest is turning seven! Happy birthday!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Happy Anniversary!!!

2010-08-23T23:03:00.001-04:00

Eight amazing years to one amazing person!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Some days...

2010-08-22T17:21:00.004-04:00

Some days things just pile on top of you until you break. I had one of those days today. Nothing catastrophic happened, don't panic. I just had a series of events that brought my stress level through the roof...my phrase of the day, "Are you kidding?"
First, I realized that my precious pictures from the theme park we visited yesterday would cost, get this, at very least $15o.00 for 36 photos...YES, that is what I said. That is just on a CD, no prints! If I got prints, those precious photos would cost a whopping $500!!!! Yup, that's not a type-o!

Next, the new recipe that I was making for dinner, didn't finish in the crock pot by dinner time (rolling eyes). Perfect. Good thing that I had homemade soup ready for us in the refrigerator & fixings for toasted cheese bread!

This would have been a perfect, uneventful meal, but my dear, precious daughter decided to have an utter melt down over something that, now, I can't even remember what it was. I know that she's tired from yesterday, but this was just over the top. Unfortunately, for her, there are consequences to every decision you make. Her consequence, no dinner & straight to bed. Sigh...the screaming has just subsided.

Finally, while getting the table set and ready for this impromptu dinner, I noticed a big white stain on my wood table. Really? You see, my dear husband, thought that using an iron on this hard surface would be a great idea, not so much. As a result, I've been searching the Internet for tips to fix this eyesore. The first three remedies have failed.

Yes, a series of events such as these could send me into a tizzy. However, this is life. A life where I am fully blessed & even though these little hiccups come along, I don't want to waste minutes on being angry. I allow myself a few minutes to get upset, breath and solve. Once that is over (even if it doesn't get rectified like my table), I need to move on and get over it. Our memories from our family outings will last when pictures don't. I love my children more than dinner; I love my husband more than a table. Life is just too short.

My week in review...

2010-08-19T16:24:00.006-04:00

This week has been full of activity & it isn't over yet! If you've ready my two previous entries, you'll see that my son started school for the first time and my daughter turned four. Needless to say, I had a very emotional week in the beginning.

My son really is enjoying school. He loves hearing stories read to him (Amelia Bedelia and Juney B. Jones this week), and he's enthused that he actually has homework (this excitement is fleeting, I know). He was able to share with his class our fun summer plans, and next week he gets to bring in cupcakes to his new friends for his birthday (Yes, another day of tears ahead for mom).

There is a princess that lives in our house. She woke up on Tuesday and was reminded of that when the radio personality announced that "IVB is a four year old princess today." The entire day she wore a birthday crown and birthday girl button (she called it her metal). Although her princess balloon (that I paid ten dollars for) flew away, it was a good day. Her cake was pink with strawberry ice cream (so so so good), and she's been playing with her birthday presents ever since the paper was torn off.

This weekend we'll be headed to a very famous theme park in our area, and everyone can hardly wait! We decided to skip parties this year with their friends and party with family instead!

Speaking of family, my husband's family is coming back into town very soon! Our schedule is about to get really crazy, but its the good kind of crazy. One that's filled with family and fun. His blessings are abundant & we are thankful!

My Little Princess is Turning Four

2010-08-15T20:03:00.001-04:00

I sobbed the entire time I made this (about two days of work). She's growing up so fast...Tuesday she's turning four! Happy Birthday My Little Princess!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Looking the part

2010-08-08T13:12:00.002-04:00

In a few days my oldest will do something that he's never done before, attend public school (gasp). OK, I know what you're thinking, "No big deal," right? Wrong. We are approaching uncharted waters in our home. Both my husband and I have never attended a public school. Wait, before you pass us off as yuppie rich kids, let me remind you that my husband lived overseas where choices were limited, and I attended a school that wasn't in business to make money (translation, it wasn't swanky).

My son is pretty quiet and reserved, so I think. However, I have seen him in his element being loud and pretty entertaining to other students. He's a ladies man, already (whether he wants to be or not...right now, not), and he has been developing his own sense of style. Enter the title of this blog.

This new school requires a uniform, a pretty dull one at that, and that imposes the challenge of standing out in a, "I didn't make a huge effort to" way. Translation, cool shoes and cool belts for the boys. Do you know how hard it is to find a cool belt for a little boy? VERY HARD. Google it and try.

After much consideration, torment and trial I have discovered that Kohl's online was my best option. He will now be sporting two different Tony Hawk belts of his choosing, one with flames (yes, flames as in fire) and one that is monochromatic (Code For: khaki no frills). We already took care of the shoe situation, selected from Shawn White's collection (Translation: Target's answer to Vans).

Yes, as we embark on this journey of a new school year littered with "firsts", my son will hopefully, at very least, look the part of a cool little boy. Lets be honest, though: cool shoes or none, flame belts or plain, uniform or pajamas...my little guy is already one of the three coolest kids I know.

Days Gone By...

2010-08-06T21:07:00.003-04:00

It has been about a year and half since I made a promise to myself that I would no longer bother myself with useless TV. Now, what I call "useless" and what others call "useless" may be conflicting. I now watch my fair share of reality TV and mindless comedies. What I call useless is any show that doesn't bring me happiness. Life is too short.

While in the hospital, I never turned on the news or watched prime time murder mysteries; I watched all of the re-run comedy shows that I could squeeze in (Well, in and out of magnesium sulfate unconsciousness). They made me feel better, more secure and happier.

I've found that older shows bring a sense of comfort and take you back to a more simple time. There are no heavy dramas or dark undertones, and if there is conflict it resolves in less than thirty minutes. Call it a diet of sorts. I've cut out drama, thrillers and anything health related. That leaves me with laughs, black and white feel good TV. It's pretty darn fulfilling if you ask me. The comfort in days gone by TV is well worth the latter.

What and Why?

2010-08-01T20:45:00.003-04:00

You've heard the phrase, "When it rains, it pours." Well, bring on the rain! If you didn't know already, we're trying to move to a larger home ($$$); we just bought a new computer since our old one died ($$), and now the car is broken, again ($$$).
Just when we thought that we'd be able to get rid of that car payment, the need for a new automobile arises ($$$$). We just need to have two cars that we both are able to drive that fits, everyone (past, present and hopefully future!). As a teenager, the prospect of a new car would send me into a fit of excitement. Today, being the mature lady I am, I think of the money. Well, here's to looking for a new auto that is safe, big, newer and cheap!

Keep Praying For Ava

2010-07-30T22:51:00.009-04:00

As you are able to spend your time with your loved ones, spouse, children or other family members and friends, please, remember to lift up this family in prayer. Be thankful for the blessings that surround you...don't take life for granted. http://www.joshuajoelhunter.blogspot.com/

Putting it out there...

2010-07-28T22:21:00.004-04:00

Ok, don't tell anyone, but I'm overweight. Shocking, I know! I understand that I have pounds to lose, and I have accepted the challenge head on. For about six weeks now I have been kicking my rear into gear at the gym. I am eating better and more often. Learning to eat more often has actually been a hard lesson. I wasn't consuming enough calories to actually burn fat.
As a result of all of this effort, I have lost eighteen pounds. EIGHTEEN! My doctor told me to lose thirty before thinking of having another baby to help manage my blood pressure and to avoid preeclampsia, again. Well, I am over halfway to that point! As for planning another baby, we go to see ANOTHER doctor in August to get his opinion on the subject. I have seen two other doctors about this subject, and I'm not satisfied with those visits. Call me an overachiever, but I want to do everything in my ability to make sure that I get the best information to make an educated decision. If you think I'm crazy, go back and read the posts from 2008 to see the craziness that we dealt with!
Until that decision is made, it couldn't hurt to drop a few more pounds. Perhaps, one of these days I'll be brave enough to show photos! Gasp!

What I Think About...

2010-07-27T15:26:00.004-04:00

When I saw the commercials for this product, I was more than tempted to give it a try. The concept of having your detergent, fabric softener and a dryer sheet all in one seemed like a revolutionary time saver! I was going to wait to give it a try until I finished my bottle of Tide first, but then a sample came in the mail. Tempting, or what? Lastly, at a recent trip to the grocery store, I priced all three items (detergent, fabric softener and the dryer sheets) against the Purex sheets (36 loads). Not only is using Purex cheaper than my usual Tide brand. It was cheaper by $16.00 when I added not having to purchase the dryer sheets or fabric softener!

Now for the test, I have been using the Purex sheets for three loads now. It works well and exactly the same as other products. My only complaint (which really is more like a suggestion) is the scent. It is very subtle. That may be a selling point for some, but I for one enjoy the fresh scent of clean laundry and linens (especially sheets and towels).

Out of a five, I'd give this product a four over all. It cleans well (stains, etc. that my kids have on their clothes that are pretty tough). The fabric softener leaves the clothes soft and cuddly and the dryer sheets prevent the static build up. This product is Mom approved!

Changes and Updates

2010-07-25T22:19:00.003-04:00

I feel like I am on a teeter-totter when it comes to our family and its decisions. We have so many things up in the air, and I'd like to catch one! There is one thing that women are famous for. We want and thrive on having security and stability. We want people and things to be reliable. Sure, some may be a bit more "free" than others...but the trait is there.
Where we're living could change suddenly (our home is on the market); I need to find us a place to rent (that fits all of us and that we love). That is our house update, for those who may have been wondering.
My youngest is nineteen months old now. Some may remember what a hard time I had afterwards with post partum preeclampsia. Well, we'd love to have another child, but I am terrified, understandably. I've seen several doctors about the potential of it happening again, and I haven't gotten a clear answer, yet. I have one more appointment coming up to have another consult. There is our baby update.
To adopt a child through the foster care system we have to take a class that lasts ten weeks. We decided to go ahead with them in September (if we're moved and settled by then). This doesn't mean that we have made a final decision about adopting. This just means that we're exploring it further to make a more educated decision. The classes inform and teach people before a home study. There is our adoption update.
I think that pretty much covers the big question marks that are going on within our family. God willing, security and stability will creep back into our lives soon and painlessly. With that said, I'm excited. Change can be great. We have major life decisions on the horizon. These will change our lives and family dynamic. Phew, lots of prayers needed. Now I'll stop writing about it...it's getting a bit overwhelming.

It has been a while

2010-07-24T14:39:00.003-04:00

It has been almost a full four months since my last blog! In late March, early April, our computer died, and we have finally replaced it. Yahoo for not having to use my tiny phone's internet to check up on things and loved ones! I can now return e-mails without predictive text or enhancing my risk for arthritis in my fingers! My eyes no longer have to squint to recognize faces in photos; I can cut and paste!
The world is now at my finger tips again, and it feels good.

Something more to do...

2010-03-30T21:57:00.004-04:00

OK, if you know me or read this blog before, you know that after I had my son I was rushed back to the hospital with Postpartum Preeclampsia. Because it was an emergency situation, I didn't have a packed bag, my husband was shoeless and it was a pain to collect these things to take the essentials to the hospital. Another family was in a similar situation (http://fb.me/vrGawGDC) & they decided to collect tolietries to distribute to hospitals with NICUs and places for high risk moms. They also had help from local churches. OK, so this is something that I can help do, as well! So can you! Start collecting small tolietry items & I'll be contacting my local hospitals to see how much of a need there is & how I can organize these ideas. I can do something more for these families that are in horrible, scary situations & we all know that a shower or brushing your teeth can be theraputic!

Here we go!

2010-03-18T22:37:00.002-04:00

Alright, we knew that the housing market around us stinks, but good grief, it really is pretty awful. Well, what is a family to do? We just need a little more space. We still have a realtor that is contacting us, but now we are leaning towards renting out the house instead. This makes me nervous...this is uncharted waters for me...keep praying!

Adventures in Listing Day 4/5

2010-03-17T18:20:00.003-04:00

Well, after running this marathon, we're coming to the end...well, the end before my husband's work schedule returns to normal. We've done so much, and we only have a few things left to do. A realtor is coming to check out the place on Monday & will tell us what he thinks we can get for our home. We're praying for a good number! Once we get everything prettied up & picture perfect, I'll post some. I need to get some flowers & houseplants...and pillows! I love pillows...they make me think of being cozy and in a bed. It's been five days, people...we're tired!

Adventures in Listing: Day2/3

2010-03-16T01:15:00.004-04:00

Well, one thirty in the morning is fast approaching and I don't remember what day it is, hardly. I am up to my elbows in paint & my hand are sore from holding a roller...but still we press on. I go in waves of motivation and despair & as of this moment in the emotional swing, I feel as though the tasks are hopeless. Every room has something more to do in it...every bag of trash thrown out duplicates into three or more. I've tossed more clothes than I could have imagined & sent my kids of to my parents to get more accomplished. The problem is, even if I was childless for a month, there would still be more things to be done & the work would seem endless. It does seem endless, by the way...end less...

Here is what we've finished since the last blog post:
1) Moved a lot of furniture to storage (yea, for more space!)
2) Moved the remaining inside to our liking
3) Assembled a new TV stand (all him, not me)
4) My husband, father, and brother in law worked together to frame the floor (whoo hoo!)
5) Cleaned part one of the carport area
6) Painted 2 1/4 rooms (2 coats)
7) Sorted toys, clothes, and endless "stuff" & have parted with at least a dozen yard trash bags full

Things to still get finished:
1) Clean out all closets & get more to storage
2) Remove more trinkets & whatnot's to storage
3) Carport Phase 2
4) Paint Exterior (second coat and trim only)
5) Utility Closet/Laundry Room Clean out & organize
6) Arrange Furniture in bedrooms
7) Clean carpets
8) Clean all the rooms top to bottom & replace light bulbs

OK...time to stop writing & start working!

Adventures in Listing Day1

2010-03-13T20:20:00.003-05:00

Well, the end of day one is upon me and I am so glad. Many times today I was ready to throw up my hands in despair (ok, maybe just not tempted). I am still getting overwhelmed thinking about all that we have got to get accomplished by Wednesday evening! Why Wednesday? Well, my husband goes back to the real world of working instead of staying home using vacation days. Oh, and we wanted to call a realtor that day to talk about listing our home (shhh...that part's under wraps...wink wink).
Here is what we got accomplished today:
1) Cleaned & re-organized the kitchen (all the cupboards and drawers, took down all kid art, and used Clorox, Lysol, and Mr. Clean magic eraser everywhere; this also included my throw out 3 1/2 garbage bags worth of just "stuff")
2) Bought new table for the dining room (found on craigslist of $50 dollars, YES!)
3) Moved old table and chairs into storage
4) Bought a new overstuffed chair for living area ($55 off of craigslist, YES!)
5) Cleaned out the Bathroom closet & reorganized the shelves with cute new baskets
6) Cleaned the bathroom & put out the DO NOT USE TOWELS...

Here is what is on our to do list for tomorrow:
1) Sort toys and clothes in the kids room (keep as few toys as possible in the house)
2) Hopefully rent the U-HAUL one day early to move the extra furniture out
3) Sort Clothes from our room & toss more than we keep
4) Pick up paint for the kids room (and maybe ours)

Phew, aren't you tired just reading this! Pictures to follow when we're all finished!

Moving on Up....hopefully!

2010-03-13T09:45:00.004-05:00

The U-haul has been rented; the paint color is picked, and my husband is using a few vacation days to be here. What does all of it mean? Well, hopefully it means that we are moving in the right direction to be in a better position to list our home soon. This is a very hard task having three little ones to look after at the same time! When the tasks are finished, I'll be posting some photos to see what you think! Wish me luck!

I can see you!

2010-03-03T11:01:00.003-05:00

People of the world, allow me to enlighten you on something...I can see you! Yes, it is true.
1) I can see you when I let you in traffic & you show no gratitude (while I see your fish on your car)....nice representation
2) I can see you cut in line (not so discretely) while you are holding your child's hand...what are you teaching your kids
3) I can see you screaming at your spouse in the parking lot...golden rule
4) I can see you speak God's word, but show no actions to prove it...faith without works
5) I can see you update your status to try to be someone you don't want to be...

Yes world, I can see you, and so can many other people. We are all watching, aren't we? Here is the good news...

1) I can see you show patience on the road and allow me into the traffic lane...& oh yes, I do show gratitude...
2) I can see you selflessly allow me in front of you in line when I have fewer items than you...or the kids are getting restless
3) I can see couples holding hands and encouraging one another...without severe PDA's people
4) I can see you serve others and speak God's word to move others to do so...it is contagious
5) I can see you encourage others through many venues...including facebook!

But it's not fair!!!

2010-02-25T19:28:00.004-05:00

"But it's not fair!" Those are words you would expect to hear from a tantrum throwing toddler, but aren't we entitled to have these moments as adults? Lately, many of my brothers and sisters have been enduring pain that God has allowed along their life's path, and that doesn't seem fair. You could expect a family who has lost their wife/mother last week to a long battle with cancer to be allowed to question God, or you may understand hearing a negative word come from the three friends of mine who have lost their babies in the past few months. I don't know if I would be as strong as they have been when faced with the same challenges. I'd hope that I could be a light for Him during trials where the world is watching. It also makes me wonder, "How can people living without Jesus make it through this life...because it is really hard. Where is their hope?"

What have I heard instead of it not being fair from these believers? (I hope my quoting them is alright):

"I am so sad, so very disappointed..and yet I know God knows best and I have not had one second of doubt about His love for me. I am so, so, so thankful for that."

"Losing _____ has given me a new deeper appreciation of what my heavenly Father sacrificed for the miracle of my changed life, granting forgiveness and making me his own."

Wow, what great words from those who have lost so much and are clinging to our Father. What do you cling to in times like these, or what will you cling to when they arise?

1. My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus' name.
Refrain:
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand;
all other ground is sinking sand.

2. When Darkness veils his lovely face,
I rest on his unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
my anchor holds within the veil.
(Refrain)

3. His oath, his covenant, his blood
supports me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
he then is all my hope and stay.
(Refrain)

4. When he shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in him be found!
Dressed in his righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne!
(Refrain)

You don't fool me...

2010-02-08T13:16:00.003-05:00

Are we really fooling anyone? People say that they don't judge others, but we all are guilty. Even if you are saying to yourself, right now, that you don't...you do! We outright judge others or do it subconsciously. When one harbors strong opinions and convictions about politics, education, birth plans, economic status, lifestyles, religion, etc...it is a slippery slope leading to the judgement of others.
Does a doctorate degree change the quality of a person's heart? Does an epidural numb the soul? Would being anything other than a conservative republican make you drop a few IQ points?
Aren't judgements a sign of insecurity anyway? What you really should be judging is your reaction to opposing ideals, and perhaps exercising self control when faced with them.

Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled...

2010-02-01T14:58:00.003-05:00

"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me." John 14:1

This is a concept that is easier said than done (for me, that is). I am a self-proclaimed "worrier". Yes, I believe in an Almighty Father who is in charge of my life and the things/people in it; and, yes, I know that I should be "anxious for nothing" (Philippians 4:6), but I can't stop these moments that jump up to remind me that I am truly not in control.
I can't help but get the lump in my throat when I see my oldest son develop a splitting headache that causes him to throw up, and my mind automatically jumps to the most devastating thing I can muster up. I can not stop my mind from wandering to a wretched place when I can't get a hold of my husband (who drives a commercial truck for a living) on his cell phone after a few tries. My heart skips a beat when the thermometer registers past 101.0 degrees, or I am awakened by a little voice in the night that tells me that something isn't right.
One would think that if we have true faith in God that all cares are easily cast upon him. Our burdens lifted and resting on the shoulders of our living God. No, mine don't. That is my struggle; that, bluntly, is my sin. The lack of control drives me to the feet of Jesus begging for permission that he'd spare my family from such turmoil.
Well, folks, the truth is that it doesn't always work that way. God wasn't put here for me to use like a magic genie that would grant every wish at my command or amen, but I am here for his use. My family is here to be used in any way that he sees fit. That concept makes me nervous. I have seen other Christians suffer in ways that they didn't "deserve" because they were "good" people, and I have seen others deny our Lord and live a pretty cushy life.
Where is the balance? Where is the justice? The justice, my friends, is not on this earth. It is in heaven with the King. No crowns of glory on this earth will make it there; they will pass away. But, those trials and faith filled moments that God hands us as our challenge and voice to those around us will last. Those moments will be our treasure in heaven.
All of this, I know. Yet, it doesn't stop my heart from dwelling on the "what ifs" in life. The blessings I hold so dear on this earth are not mine, but they are his. My worry is a work in progress, but I don't see the end of it...yet. Prayerfully, one day something will click, and I'll be onto the next part of my character that I need to work on.

Days go by...

2010-01-15T14:38:00.003-05:00

Days go by and I wonder if I'm savoring the moments in it. Sometimes, I lay in bed at night and remember how precious my blessings are, and I am totally guilty of getting my kids out of the bed only to cuddle them in ours. I need them to know how much they mean to me. It fills my heart and warms it from within when I can hold them tightly and tell them how much I love them.
The other night, as Stephen and I were getting ready for bed, we decided to grab up our little ones & have one of those "Midnight Movie Madness" nights. We cuddled, watched Wall-e, and enjoyed every moment of having the kids between us. I could see the ease and content spirit in my husband's eyes as his arm ran behind the pillows and their little heads. The kids also loved being in our big bed together to cuddle up as a family.
Life should be full of these moments. Why do we let time slip away, instead? Yes, we have to get up and navigate a day full of schedules that bring their own challenges, but don't allow that to make you lose focus of what is right in front of you...life and all it has to offer. Thank you, Lord.

This would be a great year to...

2009-12-30T14:47:00.004-05:00

A new year is upon us and this would be a great year to:

1) MOVE INTO A BIGGER HOME!
(I mean, really...5 people & 1 dog in 1,000 square ft.)
2) Join the "Y" to get healthier & have the kids involved in more sports
3) Try something new with my hair...Ya, pony tails are getting old!
4) Budget better...(we want that house, right?)
5) Spend more quiet time w/ my Lord
(Yes, this should be #1, but this is in no particular order)
6) Travel More!
7) Speak French, more...
8) Clean more...(sigh)
9) Add more family time!
10) Love myself MORE!

A year ago does NOT define me!

2009-12-22T19:12:00.006-05:00

A year ago today, I was readmitted to the hospital. Through the entire night I was terrified and feared the worst. I thought about this last night, and as much as I wanted to be bothered by it...I let it go. I'm embracing this Christmas, but not for its gifts, food, bows, and lights. I'm holding on to my family and counting each blessing. I'm going to church to thank my God for sparing my life and for each life that blesses mine. I'll remember the baby Jesus being brought to this world for this sinner, and my heart and mouth will sing praises because of that blessed event! Last year does not define me. The birth of Christ, his life, death and resurrection does. There is a great song out there this season that brings tears to my eyes EVERY time...here it is (Here With Us - Joy Williams)

He's Turning ONE!

2009-12-18T09:41:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day! Our little Colton will be turning ONE! It is insane how fast it goes. What a blessing and a miracle he is. We love you, Colton...Happy Birthday!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

2009-12-13T00:02:00.003-05:00

I've been going through a lot of pictures these past few days, and it is making me realize how fast time is flying by. Before I had children, I imagines the different things that I'd do with them (Oh, the places we'd go and see). I thought about the crafts and cookies we'd make, the movie nights, the giggles, the walks in the park, and all of those magical moments you see in film and T.V. Now, I realize that my time is ticking...I need to get cracking on this marathon, and really focus all of my energy on making my kid's lives enriched with wonderful memories of their precious mother and quality family time.
I never make new year's resolutions, but this year I'm going for it! I'm going to start by coming up with new ideas for family fun time together. Here are my ideas so far...do you have any?

1) Midnight Movies: Without the kids knowing when it's coming, wake them up to watch a film with the family in the big bed
2) Exploring Days: Visiting local trails and parks...maybe finding hidden attractions
3) More Beach Days: We live so close; why don't we go more often?
4) Family Game Night...

From Christmas' Past

2009-12-11T01:05:00.002-05:00

I put some photos together of past Christmas' with our family. Last year, our family was blessed with a wonderful gift...our youngest son. It's hard to believe that soon he will be a year old!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

What does THIS mean?

2009-11-16T18:53:00.004-05:00

It seems as though there is something in the water. So many women around me are pregnant or just had a baby. Good grief. Is someone trying to tell me something?

(By the way...I did go to the doctor & he said there is a 3% - 20% chance of the pre-eclampsia returning) Hmmmmmm......

A Mother's Mouth...

2009-10-29T10:10:00.004-04:00

A little while ago, I thought about the phrases that I say to my kids throughout the day. Yesterday, I decided to keep track of them, and I wrote some down to post to this blog.
1) "Well, life is not fair."
2) "Eat around it."
3) "Where are your shoes? Put on your shoes!" (x5)
4) Me:"What was that?" Child:"Nothing" Me:"Nothing doesn't make a noise!"
5) "Don't use your straws as swords. You could poke an eye out."
6) "Don't hold your pencil that way. You could poke your eye out."
7) "Because that's the way God made it."
8) "Eat this or eat nothing. I don't care."
9) "You need a shower....because you stink."
10) "Not today, not tonight, not ever..."
11) "We don't say that..."
12) "Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite!"

Next time I'll keep track of the things that my kids say during the day! Stay tuned.

Face the Music...

2009-10-11T21:59:00.004-04:00

I finally did it. I made my appointment to see my "high risk" doctor. No, I'm not pregnant (yet or may never be again). Stephen and I are TRYING to make an educated decision about having the last little one that we planned before we got married seven years ago. I know a lot about the condition that I had (postpartum preeclampsia), but I still completely freak out reliving it now and then (every time I take my pills, for instance). This is the first step, though. We go October 28th; I'll let you know what comes of it. Yikes....

A Wish List

2009-09-27T21:51:00.003-04:00

This is my wish list...just putting it out there!
1) To win the lottery (either by finding a winning ticket on the ground or other means)
2) To move to a larger home where the kids can have their own space (and I want a grown up bathroom!)
3) The ability to sit and be still & think of nothing at all...NOTHING
4) A perfect place of worship & learning that the whole family will love & grow in God
5) A dish washer
6) The ability to travel whenever & where-ever
7) A get-away home in the mountains of Virginia that I can escape to at the drop of a hat
8) To have my kids stop growing at the age of 5...to just stay 5 forever
9) To lose like 50lbs. with little to no effort or giving up the foods that I love
10) To have one more little baby join our family

Ever feel like...

2009-09-13T16:19:00.003-04:00

Ever feel like no one is listening?
Ever feel like you're out of the loop...with the rest of the world?
Ever feel like you just don't fit?
Ever feel like you are in a funk?
Ever feel like things have changed & you don't know why or how?
Ever feel like you are in a rut?
Ever feel like you have a lot to say but no ears to tell?
Ever feel like if you were to actually say these things, people
wouldn't get it...or even get annoyed by it?
Ever feel like you have much to offer but have no outlet for it?

Ya, me too...

Yes I do...

2009-09-09T10:59:00.004-04:00

Yes, I have three children. I don't think that having three children is unusual, but these are situations that I've encountered regarding my family:

* Strangers stopping me in public (while all kids are in tow) just to ask if they are all mine. Um, yes?
* People that I know have seen me walking to/from weekly events asking me if all the kids were mine. Um, yes? Then continue to act completely shocked.
* When meeting people, Stranger: "You're a mom?" Me: "Yes, I am." Then I proceed to tell them how many we have & their ages...I get this, "What, you? WOW, that's a lot of work. Really? I can't believe that..." You get the picture...
* This one is my favorite, only because I was shocked that someone would actually ask me this..."Are they all with your husband?" OR "Is that why you got married (at the age you did)?"

C'mon people...We have three kids, and I hardly think that TLC will be calling us anytime to do a series on our family...

2009-08-28T16:10:00.005-04:00

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

It's that time, again. My oldest boy is turning SIX years old tomorrow! So many years ago, I found out after just three months of being married that we were expecting a baby. On August 29, 2003 he was born on a rainy day. We were excited and felt like the odds were against our little family, but we wouldn't have changed this (then OR now) for anything.
What can I say about Hunter? There are so many traits that I could list, but here are SIX things in honor of his SIXTH birthday:
1) BEST baby...hands down (the kind of kid you could go anywhere & do anything with, slept 9hrs. by 4 weeks...)
2) He's always been very compassionate and sensitive to others
3) He's funny - telling jokes or making faces to get a laugh out of his family
4) He's very obedient & isn't quick to get into trouble
5) He's intelligent - reading since early last year & enjoys school
6) He loves everyone and we love him back more & more each day!

Hunter, thank you for joining our family when you did. We love you so very much and hope that your birthday is great. You may be getting older and bigger, but you'll always be our 1st little baby boy. WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Adventures in Homeschooling...

2009-08-21T12:23:00.003-04:00

We've been homeschooling now for ten full days!

This is what I can say about them:

1) It doesn't take as long to teach things to one child than it does to a classroom full of kids

2) Choose your words & vocabulary carefully to teach concepts...otherwise, things get lost in translation

3) You can make any subject fun with a dry-erase board

4) Younger kids will get involved...even if you didn't plan on them joining in

5) Not only are you a parent 24/7, but their personal tutor as well

6) The grocery store is full of school lessons!

The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

2009-08-16T01:04:00.007-04:00

Three years ago on August 17, 2006 the most beautiful girl was born. She's truly a blessing to our family. She has made me grow in so many ways. Although my princess has proven to be quite "challenging" at times, I wouldn't change this for the world. Because of her I am a better mother & person. I look at the twinkle in her eyes & fall in love all over again. Her hugs warm my soul, and her kisses melt my heart. I love you my little princess! You are truly the most beautiful girl in the world inside and out!

We're Expecting!

2009-08-05T16:21:00.004-04:00

That's right, the Bock family is expecting! We're expecting to bring home our new arrival September 12, 2009! Actually, he's already been born (July 20, 2009)! He's a Scottish Terrier that we've named (are you ready?): Angus Scaliwagg MacBean...we will call him Beanie!!

Reflecting

2009-07-31T17:01:00.006-04:00

While we were away celebrating the life Clarence Bowman (1920 - 2009), I was reminded what was important in life. Grandpa Clare was a man that passed with no regrets, no anger towards others, and no strife. He loved his wife, friends, family, and life. He was a practical joker, singer, entertainer, and loved by many. Shouldn't we live that way today; so that at the end of our lives people can say the same about us? Life IS too short for bickering in any form. No matter how different we are; truly, we are the same. Perhaps this is one lesson taken away from a time of grief....By this all will know that you are My (Jesus') disciples, if you have love for one another....

As uncle Jim put it..."Every time a bell rings....That a boy Clarence; that a boy!"

Harsh Reality

2009-07-10T15:41:00.003-04:00

Most of the time my blog entries are feel good surface feelings and goings on, but allow me to be quite frank. I am in mourning. I am mourning a child that I never had or will have. I pack maternity clothes with tears, and I sob when packing away the baby clothes that I fear will never be used again. It seems crazy, but I feel an emptiness. One doctor says that I should not have more kids, another says it would be fine. Who do I listen to?

I wasn't prepared for this to be my last pregnancy. We "planned" on one more. I wasn't finished! I wasn't ready to put this all behind me and never hold a newborn again! I never ever thought that anything like this would block my way. Sure, we could go against medical advice (of some) and do it again. But I would be risking my very life. Wouldn't that be incredibly selfish; to risk my life, the life of other around me if I had to go on bed rest, and my family's future? Still, I feel empty.

I wonder what he/she would have looked like. I wonder if my little girl would have a sister. I wonder if I'd be fine with no complications and if I am missing out because of fear. I struggle. I mourn. I cry. I feel weak. I feel so sad. I feel like an idiot crying over it when I have three healthy kids that keep me busy. Still, I feel it. It hurts; will it always haunt me?

What does God really want? Does he want me to adopt, try again in faith, or do nothing? Questions without definite answers. Tears without reason, and mourning for someone that never lived. That is my harsh reality.

Adventures in Homeschooling

2009-07-08T09:49:00.003-04:00

After many months of wrestling with the decision about where to send our oldest to school this coming fall we arrived at the home-schooling through a private school option, and here is what I have learned thus far:

1) Picking curriculum is not a job for the weak of heart, mind or patience

2) Making lesson plans is a job for a mind reader...look at the calendar, predict the future of what we'll accomplish that day, and for how long

3) The people you thought would question your decision may support you; however, some people that you though would never question you, do.

4) I've never been so excited or convicted about what I must/can do to make my child's life a steady and firm foundation for his future

5) I need prayer

Big Money

2009-07-01T20:05:00.003-04:00

I know that you've thought about it, fantasized about it, and probably (if you are like me) planned it.....What would you do if you won the lotto? Here what crosses my mind:

1) I don't think about winning unless the total sum surpasses 100 million dollars...it's good to set goals!

2) I know that I would tithe...but I try to figure out how much would go where...and what really constitutes tithing...does it have to be an organization or could it be specific people?

3) I think about sharing some of the winnings with our family....but it makes me ponder in what way...actual cash, paying off debt, buying presents...?

4) Where would we have a vacation home...there are so many choices and places that are wonderful...

5) How many people would we see come out of the woodwork?

Ya, all tough decisions...but I think that I can handle it!

Why is it...?

2009-06-28T15:50:00.003-04:00

-Why is it that when I am on the phone that is a signal for kids to ask me questions?

-Why is it that I go into a room to get something & I forget what it was that I went in there for?

-Why is it that when we buy something special that we've been saving for a major appliance or car breaks?

-Why is it that if there is a 50/50 chance of being right, I pick the wrong one?

-Why is it that when I am driving & need to turn around I usually pick a dead end street?

-Why is it that when one child is having a great day the other can't behave?

-Why is it that when the one child that usually sleeps through the night trades places with the one that typically has trouble?

-Why is it that when you go to rent a movie, you can never remember what movies you wanted to see?

-Why is it that when I sit down to update this blog my thoughts scatter?

Yup, this is about right....

2009-06-22T14:15:00.004-04:00

Anyone that knows me and how my mind works understands this post. I haven't "felt" or been "normal" for a while now, medically. I wish that I could take a vaca from myself, my mind, and from weird things that keep popping up. I don't want to be a hypochondriac...I don't choose to feel like a nut, but sometimes I just do!

Freakish Fears?

2009-06-19T22:18:00.005-04:00

I am a tad bit superstitious. Is that wrong? Sometimes I throw spilled salt over my shoulders; I cross off black cats from my path, and I knock on wood. Yes, I also cannot bring myself to wash clothes on New Year's Day for fear of washing someone out of the family (death of a loved one). Kind of nuts, I know. I really don't want believe that bad things will happen, but deep down there is a part of me that is uneasy. I even hesitate to say things out loud (or write them) fearing that I will ultimately jinx my statement or to make a fear reality. Is that kind of crazy, or am I just actually speaking up about a nagging voice that others have as well but no one will speak of (for fear of being deemed crazy)? Crazy loves company....

And So It Goes....

2009-06-06T10:32:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite movie quotes from Steel Magnolias declares, "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face." Hidden in the humor the truth that time is going on around us rings true. When I look around at my family I see it. I've been married seven years this August. My oldest will turn six, and my little girl will be three! The baby is nearly six months old. How did this happen? Where does the time go? Seasons come and seasons go but the love of true friends and family last forever throughout them!

Funny to Me...

2009-05-01T10:16:00.003-04:00

These made me laugh...I got to thinking that it would be fun to travel over the states and take pictures of funny signs. Hey, everyone needs a hobby, right?

Would You Rather...?

2009-03-26T19:32:00.003-04:00

Would you rather love and not be loved back or be loved but never love?

Always wear earmuffs or a nose plug??

Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or Always know their future??

Sweat moderately but constantly 24 hours a day all over your body or have an irremovable metal pin in your jaw that constantly picks up a New Age radio station??

Eat poison ivy or a handful of bumblebees??

Be born with an elephant trunk or a giraffe neck??

Always take a cold shower or sleep an hour less than you need to be fully rested??

Should we get on the ride or not?

2009-03-19T16:46:00.004-04:00

We want to get on the adoption ride. We just don't know when and how. Do you know that it costs a bit more than $60,000.00 to adopt two children from Russia? How do people do it, and how will we raise that much money? HOW?!

Yes, No, Yes, No...YO-YO

2009-03-10T14:59:00.003-04:00

Ever since I learned that having more children wouldn't be a good choice (according to my doctor), we have been contemplating adoption as an option for our family.
**Alright, calm down; we aren't doing this like tomorrow or even next week. It would be more like in a year or more to even start the process. **
Stephen and I decided that we would want to adopt from Russia. However, when I was going through applications and agencies I discovered that the parents have strict medical requirements, as well. If you remember, Stephen had melanoma three years ago (screeching tires sound here).
That led me to call every adoption agency that I could research to see if we are automatically discounted from the running. So far, two agencies have said that the possibility is zero, and four agencies have said that it may require more paperwork but do-able....
The roller coaster never stops...

In a Bath

2009-02-25T10:00:00.003-05:00

Things that crossed my mind when I was taking a "relaxing" bath:

1) I only see Stephen 10 hours a work week

2) I'm so tired

3) What is in this mud mask, and why is it green?

4) Who's crying and why?

5) Wow, steam is so soothing.

6) I'm so tired

7) Did I put the clothes in the dryer?

8) What's the name of that song?

9) I can do math better with a wash rag over my eyes.

10) Why can't I ever relax?

11) I should blog this.....

Five Star Service?

2009-02-15T15:41:00.003-05:00

Barista to the left of the employee at the register (while I was at the register):

"Do you know what you want"

Me: Err...Umm...Yes. (Not sure which person to look at) I'll have a tall cinnamon dolce latte.

(Handed the cashier my cash and walked to the pick up counter)

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to say decaf. Could you please make that a decaf?"

Barista: (rolling eyes) "Well, you didn't say that."

Me: "Um, sorry. Could you make it a decaf? Sorry."

Barista: (rolls eyes again)

I took that opportunity to walk slowly over to my seated friend.

Me: "Sheesh, she was kind of annoyed at that."

Friend: "Ya, she looks kind of mad."

Barista: "Kelli, I have a DECAF Tall Cinnamon Dolce Latte!"

Me: Thanks.

Barista: "I already made the regular one, do you want that too?"

Me: "No thanks, I really can't have it."

Barista: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Sorry, No. I can't have it."

Barista: "Well, do you know someone who does?"

(Barista looks at friend ACROSS the room) "Do YOU want this?"

Friend: "No, thanks. I already have this drink."

Barista: (Rolling eyes, again...and announces to the entire coffee house in a very booming voice)

"I HAVE A FREE TALL CINNAMON DOLCE LATTE...DOES ANYONE WANT IT...?"

I took that moment to slide back over to my friend across the room....How obnoxious was SHE?

P.S. - Being an ex-barista, myself. I know that if there is ever a miss-order. You sample the drink out in those tiny cups at the register....not single out a customer with the sole purpose of embarrassing them....

Crazy at Wally World

2009-02-09T10:05:00.003-05:00

Whenever I roll into the local Wal-Mart by myself, I have a strange experience. Let me share my latest oddity.

After gathering my wonderful treasures from the mega store, I set out to find a check out lane that held fewer than 100 people in it (not an easy task). Slipping into the "20 items or less" lane the small Asian check out lady acknowledged my presence and turned off her light. She let me know in a mousey voice that I was the last person she'd be checking out (there were 3 other shopper ahead of me). She also wanted me to be the person to deliver that news to anyone who dared come behind me. I laughed. She didn't.
Obviously, as soon as I ended my "I don't really want to do that" nervous laughter, a cart rolls in behind me. All eyes that were in front of me where on me. I made my "I don't really want to" face and thankfully the shoppers behind me decided to switch lanes on their own accord. PHEW.
A man at the front of our line let me know that I was "slacking on my job." Which brought a few smug smiles to the others in line.
Now, that should be enough, but it isn't the end. Another person shows up with ONE item. I then had to tell him and his little girl that I was the last one she was taking. I did slap on a sweet, timid "sorry" on the end, but that didn't seem to make any difference. That seemed to appease the rest of the line.
So, this is the end of my tale? No. I finally made it to the front of the line. The quiet cashier was very sweet. She saw the onesie I was buying for Colton and asked how old the baby was. After a little chit chat she wanted to know what I would get my husband for Valentines Day. I told her that I just had a baby, that should be enough. She gave me a look and began to tell me that I should buy him some silk boxers that were near by. She followed up that suggestion with an eyebrow movement that left me speechless. Oh, my...was this dear, sweet old woman telling me; never mind what she was telling me...it was a little weird...but that is just another adventure brought to ME from my neighborhood Walmart....

More Drama

2009-02-03T19:30:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, my kids were in their room playing in the late afternoon. While I was feeding Colton, I heard a child jumping on the bed. I told them to cut it out and that they knew better than to do that. About ten minutes later, I heard the jumping again. Before I could say anything or go in there, the jumping ceased and was replaced my crying. My 2 1/2 year old daughter fell off the bed. We went to the emergency clinic for x-rays and treatment.

It turns out that she broke her collar bone and it was overlapping itself (not a pretty thought, I know). After many tears (from her and mostly me), we were sent home with her arm strapped to her body (to reduce movement), and we had an appointment to see the orthopedic surgeon the following day.

Today we saw the doctor (for Iveigh's Owchy). He looked at her x-rays and told us how common this was. He also said that because she's so young it would heal quickly and nicely without a cast or a need to set the bones. The doctor also let us know that it would be about six weeks of limited movement and will see us again in two weeks to check her progress.

Poor little girl. Getting her to sit still is a nearly impossible task. She's been so brave and in so much pain it actually hurts me when she cries. We've been through so much lately we're trying our best to stand firm in our faith and remember that God is in control. Sometimes it is hard to keep your head above water. I'm looking forward to calmer waters ahead.

Pills....

2009-02-01T12:24:00.003-05:00

Well...here's a little update about me. I stopped taking one of the two pills, and have been two-pill-free for eight days today. (step forward...) I did attempt to take NO pills for three days; however, last night, my numbers shot up (after a Samuel Adams during dinner...). It didn't go down throughout the night and in the morning I caved taking the pill.
In less than five minutes, my blood pressure dropped to a "normal" level. That tells me that a part of this is just me stressing over numbers. After taking the pill, I felt defeated and discouraged. Stephen reminds me that I am heading in the right direction. It wasn't long ago that I couldn't make it through the day w/out three pills, then two, now one, and eventually none.
Now I am relaxing with low BP readings (110/70's)....
Next week I am going to my OBGYN for the last time (six week pp checkup) and then my GP doctor at the end of the week....we'll see what they say....

How hard could it be?

2009-01-26T11:18:00.003-05:00

This is the first year in our married life that Stephen has had two weeks paid vaca. from work. Nice right? However, you have to request your time off in Dec. for the following year! Plus, they require you to take one full week off and then you can break up the rest of your time throughout the calendar.
This doesn't seem like a problem, but I never knew how hard it was to plan this far in advance! Actually, we've never taken a family vacation together that didn't involve extended family. That left me scrambling with next years school calendar trying to request days off. Yet, because I was in the hospital so long and we put off the vacation plans all the good days and weeks were full from requests from other employees. Great....
Alright, now we have our week laid out this summer, but now we must decide what to do! Should we go away on a road trip? Should we stay close to home...stay at the beach....? Anyone have any ideas? I'm open to suggestions....remember we'll have an almost 6 yr. old, an almost 3 yr. old, and a six month old.....

My Little Cutie Pie!

2009-01-22T19:12:00.004-05:00

Enjoy this clip of Colton at one month old. He's beginning the smile and coo!

Cutie and Me

2009-01-16T14:06:00.004-05:00

This is my fifth day taking a new pill (Norvasc), but it is my first day with two pills in my system a day (just one wasn't cutting it). Yesterday my BP peak was 148/107...too high for me, so I called the doctor. I think that he's getting tired of me calling so much. He told me to take two a day and to RELAX...

I really am not that tightly wound, but when I have numbers that stay in the high 130's and the 100's and I haven't dealt with this before....it becomes something for me to be concerned about it.

Today, I had two readings like 130/100 but the other ones have been pretty good (125ish/90's)...could the pills be working? Lets hope so!

Monday I go back to my OBGYN for a check up and on Tues. I am headed over to my family doctor so that HE can now help manage my BP (like I said, my other doctor must be sick of me by now).

I've read on the internet that some women take up to six months - one year to get over these BP issues (so that they can get off medication). Hopefully, it won't take that long. That is my prayer!

Pray Pray Pray....

NOW FOR A PICTURE OF THE CUTIE:

Learning

2009-01-13T13:59:00.005-05:00

What I have learned about (and because of) this illness I have....

2% of women develop it (after childbirth)
Most of the women online have had more than one pregnancy
I may be regulated on BP pills for a longer while than anticipated
My doctor is pretty patient with my phone calls and freak out moments
I may need further testing to check my adrenal and renal glands...?....
Pre-eclampsia really sucks after pregnancy because it can't be cured by childbirth....duh
I am not a patient person...(I already knew that)
I can not "will" my body to behave....
Discouragement and Illnesses go hand in hand...
I pray way harder when something is going wrong...no, that isn't a good thing
I kind of feel alone and odd having such a weird illness...
People get tired of hearing about this as much as I am tired of dealing with it

Trying To Heal

2009-01-10T12:34:00.003-05:00

The last week our family has been staying at my parents house while I am being "weaned" off my medication. The side effects of the medicine were horrible. I couldn't walk very much because my ears would plug, I'd get a headache, and I'd feel as though I would faint. Trying to take care of three children by myself would be out of the question, obviously (not to mention driving).
I was down to taking zero pills and my blood pressure shot up, again...and my pulse was a bit nuts...high, low, normal....all over the place....I surrendered and took a pill at night to help regulate it and that worked.
I am trying to get off of these pills and get my body back to normal. My body doesn't want to participate. Please, keep praying that everything will even out (possibly over the weekend) so I can be pill free by the time I go back to the doctor, and he can give me a clean bill of health.
Pray Pray Pray....Please Please Please....baby steps

A Pollyana Moment

2009-01-03T17:53:00.003-05:00

Lately, I feel as though I have been having a pity party due to my illness that won't go away...SO, I'm having a Pollyana moment to focus on the positive things...

1) I have a healthy baby boy who is gorgeous and enjoys sleeping
2) My husband will do anything for me, including missing work which is very hard for him
3) I have two older children who are now healthy and aren't jealous of the new arrival
4) I can do a little more every day...
5) My friends and family are praying for us
6) God has a purpose
7) My pre-pregnancy jeans are too big
8) I've already lost 28 lbs. as of last Monday....(not exactly how I wanted to do it, but I'll take it)