"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me." John 14:1
This is a concept that is easier said than done (for me, that is). I am a self-proclaimed "worrier". Yes, I believe in an Almighty Father who is in charge of my life and the things/people in it; and, yes, I know that I should be "anxious for nothing" (Philippians 4:6), but I can't stop these moments that jump up to remind me that I am truly not in control.
I can't help but get the lump in my throat when I see my oldest son develop a splitting headache that causes him to throw up, and my mind automatically jumps to the most devastating thing I can muster up. I can not stop my mind from wandering to a wretched place when I can't get a hold of my husband (who drives a commercial truck for a living) on his cell phone after a few tries. My heart skips a beat when the thermometer registers past 101.0 degrees, or I am awakened by a little voice in the night that tells me that something isn't right.
One would think that if we have true faith in God that all cares are easily cast upon him. Our burdens lifted and resting on the shoulders of our living God. No, mine don't. That is my struggle; that, bluntly, is my sin. The lack of control drives me to the feet of Jesus begging for permission that he'd spare my family from such turmoil.
Well, folks, the truth is that it doesn't always work that way. God wasn't put here for me to use like a magic genie that would grant every wish at my command or amen, but I am here for his use. My family is here to be used in any way that he sees fit. That concept makes me nervous. I have seen other Christians suffer in ways that they didn't "deserve" because they were "good" people, and I have seen others deny our Lord and live a pretty cushy life.
Where is the balance? Where is the justice? The justice, my friends, is not on this earth. It is in heaven with the King. No crowns of glory on this earth will make it there; they will pass away. But, those trials and faith filled moments that God hands us as our challenge and voice to those around us will last. Those moments will be our treasure in heaven.
All of this, I know. Yet, it doesn't stop my heart from dwelling on the "what ifs" in life. The blessings I hold so dear on this earth are not mine, but they are his. My worry is a work in progress, but I don't see the end of it...yet. Prayerfully, one day something will click, and I'll be onto the next part of my character that I need to work on.
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