All Choked Up...

So, every time I think about this guy, I get choked up...I'm still scared and feel uneasy about his headaches (he's still having them) & I don't really want to blog about it, but I'm still praying about our neurologist appointment this Thursday....Could you pray, too?

Get Out of Funky Town...

What a dangerous thing having a blog is. Why, you may ask? Because, ever since last Thursday I have been in a huge funk. Now, where else can a person vent their internal frustrations that the everyday world can't know about? Her blog of course! Here we go:

My oldest son has headaches. He's had them since he was around three years old (close to four). Anyway, they have now progressed to where they can make him sick to his stomach. Not only does my heart ache for him, but my brain will not stop turning fearing what is in his. (Warning, this may not make sense to a rational person).

Ever since school has started, he gets one of these wretched monsters once every week. The day varies, but they come every week....just once. Once is enough to get me on the crazy train. At a well child visit for my four year old, I mentioned this to his pediatrician. She suggested that we now consult a children's neurologist (Gulp, say what?).

Yes, so ever since that moment, I have been in a funk. I can't sleep well (even though I could just stay in bed). I am worrying over his health. I am fearful of what we'll find out. I'm dreading this visit, but it can't come soon enough. I burst into tears when I'm alone. I check on him a dozen times a night. I hug him longer, tell him I love him all of the time and I miss him when he's away, terribly.

I forget to shower...I honestly forgot to shower...my mind is so full of fear and crappy thoughts that I am neglecting myself. I don't want to bother my friends or family with my fears. Mostly, the subject gets quickly changed or I'm hiding out. I have health issues going on myself, but I don't really care...I have a CT scan myself on Thursday for my heart and how it's functioning, but I don't care...I care about him...

Ya'll I'm scared for my sweet boy. I love him so very much, and I don't want anything to be wrong with him. I pray to God every moment that he'll protect him (and everyone else in our family). Tears are streaming down my face as I type...my emotions are raw and exposed, but no one really reads this anyway, right...so strip them down, right?

Pray for him...please, pray for him. His mama is so scared...

Time Machine

I want a time machine. I want to escape the reality of being an adult for a little while. I wish that I could be a care free kid again that didn't worry and had faith like a child. I would want to play with my children all day long and never get tired or anxious. I'd want to have sleep over parties, watch movies and eat popcorn with them...
Have you ever talked with a child about a bad dream that they had? My daughter woke up last night with a nightmare. She dreamt that her daddy went up a beanstalk and kept growing. That's it. No one was sick; no one died, and no one was trying to harm anyone else. Wouldn't that be awesome if our greatest fears were the same as what you can see in a cartoon?
As I sit here reading over my ramblings, it makes me wonder why I don't carpe diem! Maybe I should start planning a kid day or weekend for our family where we just take on ZERO responsibilities, each junk foods, watch movies, and play all day long until we drop! Hmmm....I smell another blog coming!

Saying Goodbye

This little lovely said goodbye to her family yesterday and hello to Jesus. She was only five, and she has touched more lives than most will in a long lifetime. You can read her daddy's blog under "Worth Reading" links (see Ava's Family).

I have so much to say about this family and little girl, but somehow, I can't bring myself to typing. I'm heartbroken.

I'm privileged to know this family, and I've been praying for them daily during these last ten weeks (yes, only ten weeks). I will continue to pray for them during these hard times. Please, join with me, and so many others....

For Ava:

Hold her close Jesus, for we no longer can

Not too much longer until we meet again

A beautiful smile and laughter to follow

Their absence makes the heart hollow
Dancing with angels no longer in pain

Not too much longer until we meet again

Another log on the fire....

It all started a little over a week ago. I was carrying my youngest into my daughter's preschool for pickup. When I sat down, I noticed a pain in my left side of my chest. (Ouch). To a "normal" person, this pain would have probably been ignored, but not by me. I kept checking my blood pressure and heart rate. The pain subsided. (Great, crisis averted).

However, while everyone rested that night, it all began again & was in different places on my left side (neck, shoulder, back...AHHH!). So, I did what any reasonable person would do (never think reasonably); I googled my symptoms (heart attack, what?!). Great, so now I was having the symptoms of a dire emergency. I tried to sleep it off, but the pain returned and remained.
I headed to see my GP to be safe and proactive (ya, and to ease my inner hypochondriac). He ran an EKG, listened to my heart and gave me the all clear (after telling me a horrid story of his worst heart attack patient who was 31...HUH?!). He did tell me that if my symptoms worsened or I began feeling ill, come back.

I left feeling reassured that I had pulled a muscle or was suffering from acid reflux. I could rest easy (ya, right). At least that is what I thought until I started getting clammy and nauseous the next evening (really? yes, really). Of course the GP office was closed at this point and my husband wasn't home. So, my parents came over & when my husband did make it home we were off to the ER.

They ran another EKG, chest xray, and blood work to check for the worst things (my blood pressure was great, by the way...go figure). My pains were still happening, and I was pretty scared at this point. They let me know that all was fine, but I needed to get a stress test done as soon as possible (great...).

After many phone calls (and annoying people) later, I had an appointment for a stress echocardiogram test (fancy phrase, I know). Yesterday, I found the building and was instantly horrified by the requirements. What is worse than running on a treadmill to test your hearts function? How about running in a hospital gown with no shirt or support (yes, that means bra) underneath? (In front of a man my age, nonetheless). Oh, and did I mention that I was wiped down with rubbing alcohol and my skin was sandpapered to attach the electrodes? (Yes, it burned...). I was one "are you ok?" from a total breakdown sob fest on the treadmill. My dignity stripped to nothing, I ran for ten minutes...this is what nightmares are made of, people!
Now I wait. Wednesday I have to head back to this office of torture and find out my results.

Forgive me for not being excited. In the meantime, I am enjoying my family. I see how wonderfully blessed I am to have the family that I do. I am even blessed to go through these trials of blood pressure, potential heart issues and preeclampsia to know how blessed I truly am (this is the craziest statement ever made, I know). If you'd like to pray for these results, I'd really appreciate it. I want to enjoy my family for many years to come!