Love Love LOVE

If I could slow life down, this would be the time...this right here.

~We're settling into a home that has enough room for all of us (yup, TWO bathrooms!) AND has a dishwasher (do you really know what a luxury that is?). ~We're all healthy (now that I've typed that the ball is going to drop, but for right now...). ~ My two year old is hilarious & the whole family is loving that he's a part of our family (serious cuteness!) ~ My daughter has been eating meals well & acting so sweetly to others (see previous blog posts if this sounds like no big deal) ~ My oldest has found a sport that he loves; he hasn't had a headache in a while, either! (another great kid) ~ My husband is back working five day work weeks instead of four... God has blessed us. I totally see it and am so very thankful. I want to blog more about how much I love sitting outside on our back patio to just sit in our wonderful chairs (that are EXACTLY like my grandparent's deck chairs that I loved so much) and look at the tree line, sky and grass...feeling the lake breeze and just breath...this is a great time in my life and God still has something better to come, wow!

I love it....life....

Lack of Faith? ME?

Wow. What a day. First off, let me start out by updating you about my visit to the surgeon today. I told myself all day that I wasn't going to break down in this office & show tears (so you know that means that I totally cried, right?). I held it all in until I sat down with the nurse (lucky her). After the initial new patient run through I was escorted to the ultrasound room & got into a gown and waited. I prayed; I counted ceiling tiles; I prayed, and I stared at a piece of art on the wall, too. The doctor knocked on the door & came in. She asked me about my visit with the OBGYN last Thursday & proceeded to examine me. First, she felt around the opposite breast that wasn't causing the trouble. Then, she started on the other side. I held my breath and kept praying. She looked perplexed; I looked concerned over her perplexion (Yep, now I'm making up words). "I don't feel anything here. Am I looking in the right area?" she questioned. "Ummm...I'm not sure, maybe" I fumbled. The doctor then reached for the ultrasound wand. She searched, moved it around and told me that nothing was there. Everything looked perfectly normal (even those pesky lymph nodes that freak me out). She searched my armpit, all the same. HUH? WHAAA? A.W.E.S.O.M.E! She told me that she'd like to see me again in six months to double check everything, but she was pleased with not finding anything. I got to leave the office without a needle touching my skin. God answered my prayer...but what was that prayer in the first place? While breathing a sigh of relief and praising God in the car a thought hit me right between the eyes while I was writting an email. "God answered my most fleeting prayer"....Sure, I prayed to God over all of this. I prayed that it wouldn't be cancer. I prayed that I could handle myself if a cyst needed draining. I prayed that I'd be comforted. I prayed for peace...but what else? I prayed the words "....or just make it go away, Lord." Here's the issue. I mumbled those words a few times, but I don't think that I actually thought that it would happen. Where was my faith? I thought that I totally put my faith in Jesus, but I fell short. I uttered those words with the smallest piece of faith behind them (ya, insert the mustard seed passage here)...did I put God in that small box and really think that I could control the outcome by manipulating a prayer (if I pray this way... A + B = C, right?). I didn't even realize the lack of my faith (I'm sorry, Lord...I confess it)... May I learn from this. May I use the words that I pray carefully, and have faith behind every single word, too.

Rolling With the Punches

Sometimes, I just feel a bit beat up. Then again, I realize that there are a lot of people out there who have it worse than me. Here's my latest...
Last Thursday I went to my yearly OBGYN exam (fun times). While there, I asked her about some pain (in my armpit & breast) that I've been having. She did a physical exam & found a "nodule" (great). She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to see the surgeon (and soon) to get this checked out (super great).
Well, I'm heading in on Monday at 1:00 to a breast specialist & surgeon to get this diagnosed. Here's my silver lining: The surgeon is a mammogram specialist as well & will be able to tell me right away what's going on (instead of waiting for someone else to read the tests & call me back)... Ya, that's all of the silver lining that I've got right now....I'm praying that I'll be updating this blog tomorrow with good news!

I'm Sold!

Normally, I can't stand Valentines Day. I would get all worked up and hopeful about the day (even as a child), only to be let down that no one professed their undying love/affection for me & that they'd be admiring me from afar (Ya, I blame movies and TV for that. Why not? Everyone else has a scapegoat these days). So, I just renamed it Charles Dicken's Day (because we all carry Great Expectations around on that day...get it?).

Alright, now that we've established that I'm a little bitter about that day and would rather ignore it I want to share that this one was pretty great! (As if you didn't see that one coming). Here's what happened:

1) I woke up to a card and my favorite candies (Ferrero Rocher's)

2) My family had a very nice dinner together (that I didn't cook!) that consisted of courses (fancy, I know).

3) My daughter and I got flowers from my husband (Getting flowers was awesome, but seeing my daughter's reaction was priceless & precious)

4) My son gave the family a valentine that he made & wrote a poem in ( I love that kid)

5) I was given fancy cupcakes from a bakery (so so so GOOD)

6) My mom and I watched a chick flick movie together

What a great day, right? Maybe, I'll let Valentine's Day come again next year!

Parenting Experiments

The road of being a parent is uncertain. One minute you're swerving past a mere pot hole or speed bump and the next you have to stop and figure out how to cross at an unclear path. Which direction do we go, or how do we get through this?

My latest small speed bump, meals & eating. My two year old (since being sick) has decided to not eat anything good for him and to live on crackers alone (and PB, goldfish, raisins, juice and milk). At first, I was concerned, but now I've realized that this new habit derived from me caving when he wasn't feeling good and letting him eat whatever he wanted all throughout the day. I mean, if I could get away with eating only my favorite things whenever I wanted and someone would actually bring it to me, no questions asked, I'd do it, too!

My plan of attack, scheduling. I seem to tackle every issue with a schedule or lists. I'm not allowing but one snack during the day, and if he doesn't eat the food he's given for the three meals a day, that's it, nothing more. I'm hoping that this will make him hungry at dinner time. Lately, he hasn't touched his food and won't try it. I was thinking that if a person is hungry enough they'll eat, and if were anything more (medically speaking) he'd loose weight, and we'd cross that bridge when we come to it.

Yes, a new plan of action. It just goes to show that no matter what else is going on around you (school, projects, moving, EEG's, MRI's and such) life is moving on....

Only a few days in...

Well, we're only a few days into the new year and my life is already transforming into something that I don't recognize. I don't know if I'll like the changes coming my way, but it's time to suck it up and keep on moving.
Change number one, we're moving. It is a bittersweet moment. We get to move our family into a home that will actually fit everyone, but packing up the house where I've raised my children thus far & almost lost my life (after my last pregnancy to preeclampsia) brings up uncharted emotions. I also feel like I am letting down my kids with out the stability of a home that they'll grow up in (because we plan to rent our next home, not buy). Also, after being gone for thirteen years, I'm returning to my parent's house (with a husband and three kids in tow) until we can find this illusive rental home. I've hit a new decade in life and I feel like we're back tracking. Hopefully, we can all live in peace, not kill each other until we can find the house.
Change number two, I'm back in school. Ya, it only is one class and it's online, but this is big news for me. I hate math and avoid it at all costs. This is the last class that I need to finish up my two year degree that I started so many years ago, yet interrupted by my fabulous first surprise (and I wouldn't ever change a thing about it). I figured that it was about time to grab the bull by its horns!
Change number three, I don't know what's coming next. That's the part that bothers me the most. I'm a planner, and right now, I have no direction or plans. I can't make any. This is where the "cup half empty or full" plays in. I could go either way (optimist or pessimist)...I know what my instinct is geared for, and perhaps I'm trying to find the silver lining...Maybe that should be change number four!

He's Two

Time Flies & Years Pass but he'll always be my Little Guy

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This is how I like it...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

Who am I kidding? The tropical climate that we live in doesn't allow room for seasons. The only real way that we know what time of year it is, are the Christmas lights that are covering every immobile objects in people's yards.

One may think that I'm complaining, but think otherwise. Last year, we got about four solid weeks of really cold weather (at least for us). It wasn't pretty. I ran out of warm clothes for me & the kids...and I turned into kind of a wimp.

No, I'd much rather vacation somewhere cold, icy and snow laden and come back to my slightly chilled home state. So now I have a new dream, of sorts. One day, I hope to build a cabin up north a bit and vacation there when the leaves change and snow falls; we'll keep a home here and get the best of both worlds...who's with me?

Rambles and Rants

Ups, downs, sideways and every which way...that's what my emotions are doing lately. Little Ezra Matthews (http://thematthewsstory.com) passed away this morning. He was two years old. My heart aches for his parents. I sob and wrestle with "why".
I believe in Jesus. I believe in praying, and I know the fundamentals of having faith and to pray. I know that God doesn't always answer how we'd like him to, but I just really wanted him to heal this little boy. When I watched a video of Ezra asking Jesus to "please, heal my cancer" I crossed the line of throwing myself into praying for this boy. I desperately wanted Jesus to hear Ezra's plea and to heal his cancer.
The answer was "no." HOW? I just can't wrap my mind around this. Within the last few months I've seen two children taken from their earthly family to be with Christ. I understand that they are MUCH better off there, and that they are finally healed...but I so selfishly wanted them to be healed...celebrate a miracle & have no more tears shed over such a horrible illness.
My heart is so heavy, and I turn to God...During times like these, I know that it's ok to be honest with God...It isn't like I'm going to surprise him with anything I say. I poured my anger, sadness and pleas into my prayers tonight. I just have to hold on to my faith that he hears, understands and forgives me.....

Hold Me

We all know that troubles rear their ugly head in life, and through it all we are to count it all joy if we follow Christ and understand his teaching. We're not supposed to be anxious about anything but to pray about everything. Yet, when these rough times do present themselves along my way, I struggle with my response & the response of others around me. Am I not allowed emotion? If it is permitted, which one is correct? I get angry with myself for being scared, anxious or tearing for feeling that they contradict my beliefs that Christ is indeed in control. Therefore, I get fearful that I am handling this wrongly each time it comes around.

With this in mind, I thought about Christ and his emotions while he was on the earth. Did he cry; did he get angry? The answer is an easy, yes. He cried for Lazarus, and he showed anger in the temple and cursed the fig tree. Am I comparing my ever changing emotions to those of Christ's holy and justified ones? Perhaps, I am a little. Clearly, I know that his emotions came from the most holy places in his heart, but this makes me feel better about how I am handling what my heart (sinful and broken, yet healed by his salvation) feels.

I can be angry or sad (or even both) as long as I don't allow it to consume my heart and mind, clouding my focus on Christ. Even through the tears I want my eyes and heart to focus on him. I think of my children who fall and get hurt. They're crying, hurt, angry and sometimes embarrassed when their delight takes a sudden turn to the unexpected pain, but I scoop them up in my arms. All the while they're sobbing, I'm holding them, just as he is holding me. I don't get angry or judge them for their crying. I don't question the severity of their pain. I just hold them, and I believe that is what Christ does for us. He holds us.

Therefore, cry and be angry when things get overwhelming if that is what your heart is feeling. Yet, run quickly into the arms of your Father who is waiting for you with arms wide open for his child. He'll hold you until the pain passes.

Time Machine

I want a time machine. I want to escape the reality of being an adult for a little while. I wish that I could be a care free kid again that didn't worry and had faith like a child. I would want to play with my children all day long and never get tired or anxious. I'd want to have sleep over parties, watch movies and eat popcorn with them...
Have you ever talked with a child about a bad dream that they had? My daughter woke up last night with a nightmare. She dreamt that her daddy went up a beanstalk and kept growing. That's it. No one was sick; no one died, and no one was trying to harm anyone else. Wouldn't that be awesome if our greatest fears were the same as what you can see in a cartoon?
As I sit here reading over my ramblings, it makes me wonder why I don't carpe diem! Maybe I should start planning a kid day or weekend for our family where we just take on ZERO responsibilities, each junk foods, watch movies, and play all day long until we drop! Hmmm....I smell another blog coming!

He's turning seven!

Our family's closing up the month of August with another birthday. My oldest is turning seven! Happy birthday!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Happy Anniversary!!!

Eight amazing years to one amazing person!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Some days...

Some days things just pile on top of you until you break. I had one of those days today. Nothing catastrophic happened, don't panic. I just had a series of events that brought my stress level through the roof...my phrase of the day, "Are you kidding?"
First, I realized that my precious pictures from the theme park we visited yesterday would cost, get this, at very least $15o.00 for 36 photos...YES, that is what I said. That is just on a CD, no prints! If I got prints, those precious photos would cost a whopping $500!!!! Yup, that's not a type-o!

Next, the new recipe that I was making for dinner, didn't finish in the crock pot by dinner time (rolling eyes). Perfect. Good thing that I had homemade soup ready for us in the refrigerator & fixings for toasted cheese bread!

This would have been a perfect, uneventful meal, but my dear, precious daughter decided to have an utter melt down over something that, now, I can't even remember what it was. I know that she's tired from yesterday, but this was just over the top. Unfortunately, for her, there are consequences to every decision you make. Her consequence, no dinner & straight to bed. Sigh...the screaming has just subsided.

Finally, while getting the table set and ready for this impromptu dinner, I noticed a big white stain on my wood table. Really? You see, my dear husband, thought that using an iron on this hard surface would be a great idea, not so much. As a result, I've been searching the Internet for tips to fix this eyesore. The first three remedies have failed.

Yes, a series of events such as these could send me into a tizzy. However, this is life. A life where I am fully blessed & even though these little hiccups come along, I don't want to waste minutes on being angry. I allow myself a few minutes to get upset, breath and solve. Once that is over (even if it doesn't get rectified like my table), I need to move on and get over it. Our memories from our family outings will last when pictures don't. I love my children more than dinner; I love my husband more than a table. Life is just too short.

My week in review...

This week has been full of activity & it isn't over yet! If you've ready my two previous entries, you'll see that my son started school for the first time and my daughter turned four. Needless to say, I had a very emotional week in the beginning.

My son really is enjoying school. He loves hearing stories read to him (Amelia Bedelia and Juney B. Jones this week), and he's enthused that he actually has homework (this excitement is fleeting, I know). He was able to share with his class our fun summer plans, and next week he gets to bring in cupcakes to his new friends for his birthday (Yes, another day of tears ahead for mom).

There is a princess that lives in our house. She woke up on Tuesday and was reminded of that when the radio personality announced that "IVB is a four year old princess today." The entire day she wore a birthday crown and birthday girl button (she called it her metal). Although her princess balloon (that I paid ten dollars for) flew away, it was a good day. Her cake was pink with strawberry ice cream (so so so good), and she's been playing with her birthday presents ever since the paper was torn off.

This weekend we'll be headed to a very famous theme park in our area, and everyone can hardly wait! We decided to skip parties this year with their friends and party with family instead!

Speaking of family, my husband's family is coming back into town very soon! Our schedule is about to get really crazy, but its the good kind of crazy. One that's filled with family and fun. His blessings are abundant & we are thankful!

My Little Princess is Turning Four

I sobbed the entire time I made this (about two days of work). She's growing up so fast...Tuesday she's turning four! Happy Birthday My Little Princess!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Looking the part

In a few days my oldest will do something that he's never done before, attend public school (gasp). OK, I know what you're thinking, "No big deal," right? Wrong. We are approaching uncharted waters in our home. Both my husband and I have never attended a public school. Wait, before you pass us off as yuppie rich kids, let me remind you that my husband lived overseas where choices were limited, and I attended a school that wasn't in business to make money (translation, it wasn't swanky).

My son is pretty quiet and reserved, so I think. However, I have seen him in his element being loud and pretty entertaining to other students. He's a ladies man, already (whether he wants to be or not...right now, not), and he has been developing his own sense of style. Enter the title of this blog.

This new school requires a uniform, a pretty dull one at that, and that imposes the challenge of standing out in a, "I didn't make a huge effort to" way. Translation, cool shoes and cool belts for the boys. Do you know how hard it is to find a cool belt for a little boy? VERY HARD. Google it and try.

After much consideration, torment and trial I have discovered that Kohl's online was my best option. He will now be sporting two different Tony Hawk belts of his choosing, one with flames (yes, flames as in fire) and one that is monochromatic (Code For: khaki no frills). We already took care of the shoe situation, selected from Shawn White's collection (Translation: Target's answer to Vans).

Yes, as we embark on this journey of a new school year littered with "firsts", my son will hopefully, at very least, look the part of a cool little boy. Lets be honest, though: cool shoes or none, flame belts or plain, uniform or pajamas...my little guy is already one of the three coolest kids I know.

Days Gone By...

It has been about a year and half since I made a promise to myself that I would no longer bother myself with useless TV. Now, what I call "useless" and what others call "useless" may be conflicting. I now watch my fair share of reality TV and mindless comedies. What I call useless is any show that doesn't bring me happiness. Life is too short.

While in the hospital, I never turned on the news or watched prime time murder mysteries; I watched all of the re-run comedy shows that I could squeeze in (Well, in and out of magnesium sulfate unconsciousness). They made me feel better, more secure and happier.

I've found that older shows bring a sense of comfort and take you back to a more simple time. There are no heavy dramas or dark undertones, and if there is conflict it resolves in less than thirty minutes. Call it a diet of sorts. I've cut out drama, thrillers and anything health related. That leaves me with laughs, black and white feel good TV. It's pretty darn fulfilling if you ask me. The comfort in days gone by TV is well worth the latter.

What and Why?

You've heard the phrase, "When it rains, it pours." Well, bring on the rain! If you didn't know already, we're trying to move to a larger home ($$$); we just bought a new computer since our old one died ($$), and now the car is broken, again ($$$).
Just when we thought that we'd be able to get rid of that car payment, the need for a new automobile arises ($$$$). We just need to have two cars that we both are able to drive that fits, everyone (past, present and hopefully future!). As a teenager, the prospect of a new car would send me into a fit of excitement. Today, being the mature lady I am, I think of the money. Well, here's to looking for a new auto that is safe, big, newer and cheap!

Changes and Updates

I feel like I am on a teeter-totter when it comes to our family and its decisions. We have so many things up in the air, and I'd like to catch one! There is one thing that women are famous for. We want and thrive on having security and stability. We want people and things to be reliable. Sure, some may be a bit more "free" than others...but the trait is there.
Where we're living could change suddenly (our home is on the market); I need to find us a place to rent (that fits all of us and that we love). That is our house update, for those who may have been wondering.
My youngest is nineteen months old now. Some may remember what a hard time I had afterwards with post partum preeclampsia. Well, we'd love to have another child, but I am terrified, understandably. I've seen several doctors about the potential of it happening again, and I haven't gotten a clear answer, yet. I have one more appointment coming up to have another consult. There is our baby update.
To adopt a child through the foster care system we have to take a class that lasts ten weeks. We decided to go ahead with them in September (if we're moved and settled by then). This doesn't mean that we have made a final decision about adopting. This just means that we're exploring it further to make a more educated decision. The classes inform and teach people before a home study. There is our adoption update.
I think that pretty much covers the big question marks that are going on within our family. God willing, security and stability will creep back into our lives soon and painlessly. With that said, I'm excited. Change can be great. We have major life decisions on the horizon. These will change our lives and family dynamic. Phew, lots of prayers needed. Now I'll stop writing about it...it's getting a bit overwhelming.