Hold Me

We all know that troubles rear their ugly head in life, and through it all we are to count it all joy if we follow Christ and understand his teaching. We're not supposed to be anxious about anything but to pray about everything. Yet, when these rough times do present themselves along my way, I struggle with my response & the response of others around me. Am I not allowed emotion? If it is permitted, which one is correct? I get angry with myself for being scared, anxious or tearing for feeling that they contradict my beliefs that Christ is indeed in control. Therefore, I get fearful that I am handling this wrongly each time it comes around.

With this in mind, I thought about Christ and his emotions while he was on the earth. Did he cry; did he get angry? The answer is an easy, yes. He cried for Lazarus, and he showed anger in the temple and cursed the fig tree. Am I comparing my ever changing emotions to those of Christ's holy and justified ones? Perhaps, I am a little. Clearly, I know that his emotions came from the most holy places in his heart, but this makes me feel better about how I am handling what my heart (sinful and broken, yet healed by his salvation) feels.

I can be angry or sad (or even both) as long as I don't allow it to consume my heart and mind, clouding my focus on Christ. Even through the tears I want my eyes and heart to focus on him. I think of my children who fall and get hurt. They're crying, hurt, angry and sometimes embarrassed when their delight takes a sudden turn to the unexpected pain, but I scoop them up in my arms. All the while they're sobbing, I'm holding them, just as he is holding me. I don't get angry or judge them for their crying. I don't question the severity of their pain. I just hold them, and I believe that is what Christ does for us. He holds us.

Therefore, cry and be angry when things get overwhelming if that is what your heart is feeling. Yet, run quickly into the arms of your Father who is waiting for you with arms wide open for his child. He'll hold you until the pain passes.

Stop Your Whining

I am grateful for my family. Even though we seem to have our bumps in the road with health, they don't compare to so many others who are hurting for their children and begging God to heal them...through Ava's Daddy's blog (www.joshuajoelhunter.blogspot.com) I "met" this family ( http://thematthewsstory.com) and have been praying for them. Their story is nothing short of amazing...please, pray for them

What's Going On

Since my last blog:

My mother in law had open heart surgery & is doing well...

We're still waiting to see an endocrinologist for my son's condition...

I have been maintaining my weight loss & now that I've been cleared by my doctors (clear CT heart scan) I'm back at the gym to lose the last 30 lbs before our next decision...

Our house has had two offers put in on it...

We don't know when or where we'd be moving...

Therefore, I can't seem to organize my thoughts well enough to complete an entertaining blog. So this is what you get...boring, I know...Here's a picture that may end this on a good note, though!

Dare for a Swim?

I have an analogy that roams around in my mind. I see it like this:


Whenever I feel like I am stepping out into the great big ocean of God's work and blessing, Satan's sharks come swarming in. I dip a toe in, and one or two show up. Will I be brave enough to dive in even though the seeming danger is looming around me?



You see, I want to step out, and every time that we do as a family, something gets in our way to shake our foundation. The latest quake, our son's health. That's a big deal. We've dealt with our share of health issues as a mom and dad...but not our kids. These are really big sharks, here.



That makes me think, What is Satan trying to stop? What great things are in store if I do step out in faith? There must be something big in this ocean, a huge treasure trove just waiting to be discovered. Wish us luck! No wait, pray for us!

Not so Fast...

OK, so yesterday we got great news that my son's MRI came back normal with no problems...GREAT! Not so fast....today we got the report back from his bloodwork. Something isn't right with his thyroid levels. So, back to the lab we went & now we are waiting on those results.
I'm terrified and feel like crying, but I want to lean on the Lord. I want to be strong for him, and not cause any more worry that he has to endure. Therefore, this blog is my outlet. I will cry when all are asleep & will hide out in another room if need be.
As I wait for these results, please, pray if you read this...I need it...even if this turns out to be nothing, I need it now for the unknown...and lets face it...I'm not that strong....

Small Update

Well, two out of the three tests have been completed. By 3:00 this afternoon all three tests will be over with. Here comes the really hard part...waiting. I learned from the doctor's office this morning that they don't call UNLESS there is an abnormal result. Otherwise, you get a letter in the mail. Great, that means that every time my phone rings in a twelve hour period for about a week, I'll feel absolutely sick to my stomach.
Do me a favor, don't call...text.

Heading in for tests tomorrow...

I'm taking my son in tomorrow for the MRI and bloodwork portion of testing. Clearly, I am anxious about this, but I am doing my best to not show that during the day. As a result, my anxiety pours out other places. Things seem to bother me more; I see that I'm hyper sensitive to words and actions, and all at the same time I feel like I am pushing people away without meaning to....or maybe they're pushing me away?

Update on My Guy...

My husband and I took my son to the neurologist this afternoon. I was hoping for a "no big deal" speech (although I knew better in my heart), and she suggested further testing. This Saturday, we'll be venturing to our local hospital for an MRI & bloodwork, and at the beginning of next week he'll have an EEG performed in her office.
I'm trying to suck it up and be strong for him (and his sake), but it can be a bit rough at times. Keep praying & thanks!