My Sweetie Pie Princess

My little girl has been so lovely and sweet lately! She's really growing up and maturing (at the ripe 'ol age of 4). She's the hardest of my three to discipline (because she's so much like me). However, it's always so rewarding to see her make the right choices (that's progress...she's learning...I'm doing something right...she IS listening!). That's why I'm taking her out tomorrow for a girl's day. We're getting her some Sketchers ("I've just been dreaming about Sketchers, Mommy, for such a long time..."), share a smoothie ("Smoo-dee"), and watch a movie (or get her nails done...she can't decide). I love being a mom. I love being her mom, and I love that God has blessed me with each day that I'm here to enjoy them!

I'm Sold!

Normally, I can't stand Valentines Day. I would get all worked up and hopeful about the day (even as a child), only to be let down that no one professed their undying love/affection for me & that they'd be admiring me from afar (Ya, I blame movies and TV for that. Why not? Everyone else has a scapegoat these days). So, I just renamed it Charles Dicken's Day (because we all carry Great Expectations around on that day...get it?).

Alright, now that we've established that I'm a little bitter about that day and would rather ignore it I want to share that this one was pretty great! (As if you didn't see that one coming). Here's what happened:

1) I woke up to a card and my favorite candies (Ferrero Rocher's)

2) My family had a very nice dinner together (that I didn't cook!) that consisted of courses (fancy, I know).

3) My daughter and I got flowers from my husband (Getting flowers was awesome, but seeing my daughter's reaction was priceless & precious)

4) My son gave the family a valentine that he made & wrote a poem in ( I love that kid)

5) I was given fancy cupcakes from a bakery (so so so GOOD)

6) My mom and I watched a chick flick movie together

What a great day, right? Maybe, I'll let Valentine's Day come again next year!

More Test Results

We've gotten more test results back from Little Guy's MRI and lab work. I've been holding my breath hoping and praying for the best, and God has blessed us again with good news. His labs don't indicate anything suspicious, and his MRI is clear of any masses. However, he does have a stubborn case of sinusitis. It's what is probably causing the weird eye issues. Our neurologist told me that she suspects that it was related to something viral or muscular that was causing the brain to "neglect" the muscles that work the eye.

We'll be heading back to our pediatrician to treat the sinusitis with a hardy round of antibiotics! Praise the Lord!

Parenting Experiments

The road of being a parent is uncertain. One minute you're swerving past a mere pot hole or speed bump and the next you have to stop and figure out how to cross at an unclear path. Which direction do we go, or how do we get through this?

My latest small speed bump, meals & eating. My two year old (since being sick) has decided to not eat anything good for him and to live on crackers alone (and PB, goldfish, raisins, juice and milk). At first, I was concerned, but now I've realized that this new habit derived from me caving when he wasn't feeling good and letting him eat whatever he wanted all throughout the day. I mean, if I could get away with eating only my favorite things whenever I wanted and someone would actually bring it to me, no questions asked, I'd do it, too!

My plan of attack, scheduling. I seem to tackle every issue with a schedule or lists. I'm not allowing but one snack during the day, and if he doesn't eat the food he's given for the three meals a day, that's it, nothing more. I'm hoping that this will make him hungry at dinner time. Lately, he hasn't touched his food and won't try it. I was thinking that if a person is hungry enough they'll eat, and if were anything more (medically speaking) he'd loose weight, and we'd cross that bridge when we come to it.

Yes, a new plan of action. It just goes to show that no matter what else is going on around you (school, projects, moving, EEG's, MRI's and such) life is moving on....

Results & Update

I got Little Guy's EEG results in the mail today. It was a big relief to read that we don't have to head in to the hospital to have another test done (Meaning: he cooperated enough during the office EEG to not disturb the test), and that his results were normal.

The next bridge to cross comes tomorrow. We'll be paying the hospital a visit to have a MRI of the brain done in the afternoon. Little Guy will have to be sedated by anesthesia, and that will be no fun for me to watch.

I'm praying that these results also come back normal, and that the problem with his eye will be muscular that will have to be monitored over the next few years as he developes further and grows.

Here we go, again...

So, my little guy (the two year old) has been doing some weird things with one eye. That led me to visit the pediatrician; he sent me to the neurologist. She's issuing tests (EEG & MRI)...
Not too long ago, we had to go through similar testing for my little big guy (the seven year old) for his headaches.
So....here we go, again...

Only a few days in...

Well, we're only a few days into the new year and my life is already transforming into something that I don't recognize. I don't know if I'll like the changes coming my way, but it's time to suck it up and keep on moving.
Change number one, we're moving. It is a bittersweet moment. We get to move our family into a home that will actually fit everyone, but packing up the house where I've raised my children thus far & almost lost my life (after my last pregnancy to preeclampsia) brings up uncharted emotions. I also feel like I am letting down my kids with out the stability of a home that they'll grow up in (because we plan to rent our next home, not buy). Also, after being gone for thirteen years, I'm returning to my parent's house (with a husband and three kids in tow) until we can find this illusive rental home. I've hit a new decade in life and I feel like we're back tracking. Hopefully, we can all live in peace, not kill each other until we can find the house.
Change number two, I'm back in school. Ya, it only is one class and it's online, but this is big news for me. I hate math and avoid it at all costs. This is the last class that I need to finish up my two year degree that I started so many years ago, yet interrupted by my fabulous first surprise (and I wouldn't ever change a thing about it). I figured that it was about time to grab the bull by its horns!
Change number three, I don't know what's coming next. That's the part that bothers me the most. I'm a planner, and right now, I have no direction or plans. I can't make any. This is where the "cup half empty or full" plays in. I could go either way (optimist or pessimist)...I know what my instinct is geared for, and perhaps I'm trying to find the silver lining...Maybe that should be change number four!

He's Two

Time Flies & Years Pass but he'll always be my Little Guy

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This is how I like it...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

Who am I kidding? The tropical climate that we live in doesn't allow room for seasons. The only real way that we know what time of year it is, are the Christmas lights that are covering every immobile objects in people's yards.

One may think that I'm complaining, but think otherwise. Last year, we got about four solid weeks of really cold weather (at least for us). It wasn't pretty. I ran out of warm clothes for me & the kids...and I turned into kind of a wimp.

No, I'd much rather vacation somewhere cold, icy and snow laden and come back to my slightly chilled home state. So now I have a new dream, of sorts. One day, I hope to build a cabin up north a bit and vacation there when the leaves change and snow falls; we'll keep a home here and get the best of both worlds...who's with me?

Rambles and Rants

Ups, downs, sideways and every which way...that's what my emotions are doing lately. Little Ezra Matthews (http://thematthewsstory.com) passed away this morning. He was two years old. My heart aches for his parents. I sob and wrestle with "why".
I believe in Jesus. I believe in praying, and I know the fundamentals of having faith and to pray. I know that God doesn't always answer how we'd like him to, but I just really wanted him to heal this little boy. When I watched a video of Ezra asking Jesus to "please, heal my cancer" I crossed the line of throwing myself into praying for this boy. I desperately wanted Jesus to hear Ezra's plea and to heal his cancer.
The answer was "no." HOW? I just can't wrap my mind around this. Within the last few months I've seen two children taken from their earthly family to be with Christ. I understand that they are MUCH better off there, and that they are finally healed...but I so selfishly wanted them to be healed...celebrate a miracle & have no more tears shed over such a horrible illness.
My heart is so heavy, and I turn to God...During times like these, I know that it's ok to be honest with God...It isn't like I'm going to surprise him with anything I say. I poured my anger, sadness and pleas into my prayers tonight. I just have to hold on to my faith that he hears, understands and forgives me.....

Tonight, We Dance

We have a little tradition in our family. Well, it's more like outbursts of dance parties, and tonight we had one. Mommy or Daddy turn up some tunes & everyone lets loose with their best moves. Tonight was even more free & fantastic. We danced knowing that our little big guy is "tumor free." I danced thanking God for these miracles. I watched my son dance & thanked God for this outcome. I watched my daughter dance and thought about precious Ava Hunter who went to be the Lord several weeks ago...she would have turned six years old today & I thanked God for my little girl being here, this side of heaven for me to love on. I saw my youngest smile and dance with no inhibitions about anything & I saw myself like that, if only for a few precious moments tonight...I can dance...

Hold Me

We all know that troubles rear their ugly head in life, and through it all we are to count it all joy if we follow Christ and understand his teaching. We're not supposed to be anxious about anything but to pray about everything. Yet, when these rough times do present themselves along my way, I struggle with my response & the response of others around me. Am I not allowed emotion? If it is permitted, which one is correct? I get angry with myself for being scared, anxious or tearing for feeling that they contradict my beliefs that Christ is indeed in control. Therefore, I get fearful that I am handling this wrongly each time it comes around.

With this in mind, I thought about Christ and his emotions while he was on the earth. Did he cry; did he get angry? The answer is an easy, yes. He cried for Lazarus, and he showed anger in the temple and cursed the fig tree. Am I comparing my ever changing emotions to those of Christ's holy and justified ones? Perhaps, I am a little. Clearly, I know that his emotions came from the most holy places in his heart, but this makes me feel better about how I am handling what my heart (sinful and broken, yet healed by his salvation) feels.

I can be angry or sad (or even both) as long as I don't allow it to consume my heart and mind, clouding my focus on Christ. Even through the tears I want my eyes and heart to focus on him. I think of my children who fall and get hurt. They're crying, hurt, angry and sometimes embarrassed when their delight takes a sudden turn to the unexpected pain, but I scoop them up in my arms. All the while they're sobbing, I'm holding them, just as he is holding me. I don't get angry or judge them for their crying. I don't question the severity of their pain. I just hold them, and I believe that is what Christ does for us. He holds us.

Therefore, cry and be angry when things get overwhelming if that is what your heart is feeling. Yet, run quickly into the arms of your Father who is waiting for you with arms wide open for his child. He'll hold you until the pain passes.

Stop Your Whining

I am grateful for my family. Even though we seem to have our bumps in the road with health, they don't compare to so many others who are hurting for their children and begging God to heal them...through Ava's Daddy's blog (www.joshuajoelhunter.blogspot.com) I "met" this family ( http://thematthewsstory.com) and have been praying for them. Their story is nothing short of amazing...please, pray for them

What's Going On

Since my last blog:

My mother in law had open heart surgery & is doing well...

We're still waiting to see an endocrinologist for my son's condition...

I have been maintaining my weight loss & now that I've been cleared by my doctors (clear CT heart scan) I'm back at the gym to lose the last 30 lbs before our next decision...

Our house has had two offers put in on it...

We don't know when or where we'd be moving...

Therefore, I can't seem to organize my thoughts well enough to complete an entertaining blog. So this is what you get...boring, I know...Here's a picture that may end this on a good note, though!

Dare for a Swim?

I have an analogy that roams around in my mind. I see it like this:


Whenever I feel like I am stepping out into the great big ocean of God's work and blessing, Satan's sharks come swarming in. I dip a toe in, and one or two show up. Will I be brave enough to dive in even though the seeming danger is looming around me?



You see, I want to step out, and every time that we do as a family, something gets in our way to shake our foundation. The latest quake, our son's health. That's a big deal. We've dealt with our share of health issues as a mom and dad...but not our kids. These are really big sharks, here.



That makes me think, What is Satan trying to stop? What great things are in store if I do step out in faith? There must be something big in this ocean, a huge treasure trove just waiting to be discovered. Wish us luck! No wait, pray for us!

Not so Fast...

OK, so yesterday we got great news that my son's MRI came back normal with no problems...GREAT! Not so fast....today we got the report back from his bloodwork. Something isn't right with his thyroid levels. So, back to the lab we went & now we are waiting on those results.
I'm terrified and feel like crying, but I want to lean on the Lord. I want to be strong for him, and not cause any more worry that he has to endure. Therefore, this blog is my outlet. I will cry when all are asleep & will hide out in another room if need be.
As I wait for these results, please, pray if you read this...I need it...even if this turns out to be nothing, I need it now for the unknown...and lets face it...I'm not that strong....

Small Update

Well, two out of the three tests have been completed. By 3:00 this afternoon all three tests will be over with. Here comes the really hard part...waiting. I learned from the doctor's office this morning that they don't call UNLESS there is an abnormal result. Otherwise, you get a letter in the mail. Great, that means that every time my phone rings in a twelve hour period for about a week, I'll feel absolutely sick to my stomach.
Do me a favor, don't call...text.

Heading in for tests tomorrow...

I'm taking my son in tomorrow for the MRI and bloodwork portion of testing. Clearly, I am anxious about this, but I am doing my best to not show that during the day. As a result, my anxiety pours out other places. Things seem to bother me more; I see that I'm hyper sensitive to words and actions, and all at the same time I feel like I am pushing people away without meaning to....or maybe they're pushing me away?

Update on My Guy...

My husband and I took my son to the neurologist this afternoon. I was hoping for a "no big deal" speech (although I knew better in my heart), and she suggested further testing. This Saturday, we'll be venturing to our local hospital for an MRI & bloodwork, and at the beginning of next week he'll have an EEG performed in her office.
I'm trying to suck it up and be strong for him (and his sake), but it can be a bit rough at times. Keep praying & thanks!

All Choked Up...

So, every time I think about this guy, I get choked up...I'm still scared and feel uneasy about his headaches (he's still having them) & I don't really want to blog about it, but I'm still praying about our neurologist appointment this Thursday....Could you pray, too?