What a dangerous thing having a blog is. Why, you may ask? Because, ever since last Thursday I have been in a huge funk. Now, where else can a person vent their internal frustrations that the everyday world can't know about? Her blog of course! Here we go:My oldest son has headaches. He's had them since he was around three years old (close to four). Anyway, they have now progressed to where they can make him sick to his stomach. Not only does my heart ache for him, but my brain will not stop turning fearing what is in his. (Warning, this may not make sense to a rational person).
Ever since school has started, he gets one of these wretched monsters once every week. The day varies, but they come every week....just once. Once is enough to get me on the crazy train. At a well child visit for my four year old, I mentioned this to his pediatrician. She suggested that we now consult a children's neurologist (Gulp, say what?).
Yes, so ever since that moment, I have been in a funk. I can't sleep well (even though I could just stay in bed). I am worrying over his health. I am fearful of what we'll find out. I'm dreading this visit, but it can't come soon enough. I burst into tears when I'm alone. I check on him a dozen times a night. I hug him longer, tell him I love him all of the time and I miss him when he's away, terribly.
I forget to shower...I honestly forgot to shower...my mind is so full of fear and crappy thoughts that I am neglecting myself. I don't want to bother my friends or family with my fears. Mostly, the subject gets quickly changed or I'm hiding out. I have health issues going on myself, but I don't really care...I have a CT scan myself on Thursday for my heart and how it's functioning, but I don't care...I care about him...
Ya'll I'm scared for my sweet boy. I love him so very much, and I don't want anything to be wrong with him. I pray to God every moment that he'll protect him (and everyone else in our family). Tears are streaming down my face as I type...my emotions are raw and exposed, but no one really reads this anyway, right...so strip them down, right?
Pray for him...please, pray for him. His mama is so scared...
2 comments:
Oh, Kelli. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine. I am crying, too, and he is not my son. Praying that sweet Hunter is ok! Love you guys!!
I will definitely be praying for him and your family. Sometimes that's all we can do.
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