Phase II

So, I've been thinking about making this my "family's" blog and having another one for just me and my thoughts, etc....We'll see how that goes. My blog will be here: http://faithfulheartwhispers.blogspot.com

My Sweetie Pie Princess

My little girl has been so lovely and sweet lately! She's really growing up and maturing (at the ripe 'ol age of 4). She's the hardest of my three to discipline (because she's so much like me). However, it's always so rewarding to see her make the right choices (that's progress...she's learning...I'm doing something right...she IS listening!). That's why I'm taking her out tomorrow for a girl's day. We're getting her some Sketchers ("I've just been dreaming about Sketchers, Mommy, for such a long time..."), share a smoothie ("Smoo-dee"), and watch a movie (or get her nails done...she can't decide). I love being a mom. I love being her mom, and I love that God has blessed me with each day that I'm here to enjoy them!

Anxiety...

We've all had fear wave over us from time to time (the honesty starts here, people). However, I know that this is something that I struggle with. It started after my grandmother passed away (I still miss her terribly) from a battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (gulp, very scary word right there). I heard of the pain and sorrow that she carried, and it left me scarred (heavy stuff, I know).

Fast forward life a bit, my husband was diagnosed with Stage II melanoma (fine now, and has a very handsome scar), and two years ago I was thrown on a roller coaster of Post Partum Preeclampsia. I was too be celebrating the arrival of my healthy son's birth, but instead, I was in the hospital fighting for my life. I'm still using medication to this day because of it (yea, blood pressure meds).

Anywho, with all of this baggage I now tend to fly off of the handle when faced with health abnormalities (I mean, we are the picture of the abnormal...Webster called and wants our family photo next to the definition). I do my best to trust in the Lord (the verse is even on the wall in my bathroom...love vinyl lettering). I still struggle. That's why I just ask for prayer when craziness is thrown my way. I don't feel like I'm strong enough to keep it together under pressure. That's how everyone knows when I'm at the doctor (for yet another test or procedure...see above abnormality magnet comment)

...My latest affliction: armpits. They (my left more than my right) hurt (sore, uncomfortable, ache...no lumps, no bumps, no rash...TMI?) and I'll be asking my doctor about it soon (because I can't just ignore it...).

Here's a request cool cucumbers, give us scardy cats a break, will ya? I am so jealous of your types that breeze by life without as much as a cold to trip you up, and the fact that you can pass off a pain in your side (that's been nagging for months) and not think about it. I wasn't made that way (the Lord knows how he made me...c-r-a-z-y). Just thank God that you don't have my useless storage of medical information (I totally missed my calling as Dr. House), and get a good night's sleep for me!

Love Love LOVE

If I could slow life down, this would be the time...this right here.

~We're settling into a home that has enough room for all of us (yup, TWO bathrooms!) AND has a dishwasher (do you really know what a luxury that is?). ~We're all healthy (now that I've typed that the ball is going to drop, but for right now...). ~ My two year old is hilarious & the whole family is loving that he's a part of our family (serious cuteness!) ~ My daughter has been eating meals well & acting so sweetly to others (see previous blog posts if this sounds like no big deal) ~ My oldest has found a sport that he loves; he hasn't had a headache in a while, either! (another great kid) ~ My husband is back working five day work weeks instead of four... God has blessed us. I totally see it and am so very thankful. I want to blog more about how much I love sitting outside on our back patio to just sit in our wonderful chairs (that are EXACTLY like my grandparent's deck chairs that I loved so much) and look at the tree line, sky and grass...feeling the lake breeze and just breath...this is a great time in my life and God still has something better to come, wow!

I love it....life....

Lack of Faith? ME?

Wow. What a day. First off, let me start out by updating you about my visit to the surgeon today. I told myself all day that I wasn't going to break down in this office & show tears (so you know that means that I totally cried, right?). I held it all in until I sat down with the nurse (lucky her). After the initial new patient run through I was escorted to the ultrasound room & got into a gown and waited. I prayed; I counted ceiling tiles; I prayed, and I stared at a piece of art on the wall, too. The doctor knocked on the door & came in. She asked me about my visit with the OBGYN last Thursday & proceeded to examine me. First, she felt around the opposite breast that wasn't causing the trouble. Then, she started on the other side. I held my breath and kept praying. She looked perplexed; I looked concerned over her perplexion (Yep, now I'm making up words). "I don't feel anything here. Am I looking in the right area?" she questioned. "Ummm...I'm not sure, maybe" I fumbled. The doctor then reached for the ultrasound wand. She searched, moved it around and told me that nothing was there. Everything looked perfectly normal (even those pesky lymph nodes that freak me out). She searched my armpit, all the same. HUH? WHAAA? A.W.E.S.O.M.E! She told me that she'd like to see me again in six months to double check everything, but she was pleased with not finding anything. I got to leave the office without a needle touching my skin. God answered my prayer...but what was that prayer in the first place? While breathing a sigh of relief and praising God in the car a thought hit me right between the eyes while I was writting an email. "God answered my most fleeting prayer"....Sure, I prayed to God over all of this. I prayed that it wouldn't be cancer. I prayed that I could handle myself if a cyst needed draining. I prayed that I'd be comforted. I prayed for peace...but what else? I prayed the words "....or just make it go away, Lord." Here's the issue. I mumbled those words a few times, but I don't think that I actually thought that it would happen. Where was my faith? I thought that I totally put my faith in Jesus, but I fell short. I uttered those words with the smallest piece of faith behind them (ya, insert the mustard seed passage here)...did I put God in that small box and really think that I could control the outcome by manipulating a prayer (if I pray this way... A + B = C, right?). I didn't even realize the lack of my faith (I'm sorry, Lord...I confess it)... May I learn from this. May I use the words that I pray carefully, and have faith behind every single word, too.

Rolling With the Punches

Sometimes, I just feel a bit beat up. Then again, I realize that there are a lot of people out there who have it worse than me. Here's my latest...
Last Thursday I went to my yearly OBGYN exam (fun times). While there, I asked her about some pain (in my armpit & breast) that I've been having. She did a physical exam & found a "nodule" (great). She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to see the surgeon (and soon) to get this checked out (super great).
Well, I'm heading in on Monday at 1:00 to a breast specialist & surgeon to get this diagnosed. Here's my silver lining: The surgeon is a mammogram specialist as well & will be able to tell me right away what's going on (instead of waiting for someone else to read the tests & call me back)... Ya, that's all of the silver lining that I've got right now....I'm praying that I'll be updating this blog tomorrow with good news!

I'm Sold!

Normally, I can't stand Valentines Day. I would get all worked up and hopeful about the day (even as a child), only to be let down that no one professed their undying love/affection for me & that they'd be admiring me from afar (Ya, I blame movies and TV for that. Why not? Everyone else has a scapegoat these days). So, I just renamed it Charles Dicken's Day (because we all carry Great Expectations around on that day...get it?).

Alright, now that we've established that I'm a little bitter about that day and would rather ignore it I want to share that this one was pretty great! (As if you didn't see that one coming). Here's what happened:

1) I woke up to a card and my favorite candies (Ferrero Rocher's)

2) My family had a very nice dinner together (that I didn't cook!) that consisted of courses (fancy, I know).

3) My daughter and I got flowers from my husband (Getting flowers was awesome, but seeing my daughter's reaction was priceless & precious)

4) My son gave the family a valentine that he made & wrote a poem in ( I love that kid)

5) I was given fancy cupcakes from a bakery (so so so GOOD)

6) My mom and I watched a chick flick movie together

What a great day, right? Maybe, I'll let Valentine's Day come again next year!