This would be a great year to...

A new year is upon us and this would be a great year to:

1) MOVE INTO A BIGGER HOME!
(I mean, really...5 people & 1 dog in 1,000 square ft.)
2) Join the "Y" to get healthier & have the kids involved in more sports
3) Try something new with my hair...Ya, pony tails are getting old!
4) Budget better...(we want that house, right?)
5) Spend more quiet time w/ my Lord
(Yes, this should be #1, but this is in no particular order)
6) Travel More!
7) Speak French, more...
8) Clean more...(sigh)
9) Add more family time!
10) Love myself MORE!

A year ago does NOT define me!

A year ago today, I was readmitted to the hospital. Through the entire night I was terrified and feared the worst. I thought about this last night, and as much as I wanted to be bothered by it...I let it go. I'm embracing this Christmas, but not for its gifts, food, bows, and lights. I'm holding on to my family and counting each blessing. I'm going to church to thank my God for sparing my life and for each life that blesses mine. I'll remember the baby Jesus being brought to this world for this sinner, and my heart and mouth will sing praises because of that blessed event! Last year does not define me. The birth of Christ, his life, death and resurrection does. There is a great song out there this season that brings tears to my eyes EVERY time...here it is (Here With Us - Joy Williams)

He's Turning ONE!

Tomorrow is the big day! Our little Colton will be turning ONE! It is insane how fast it goes. What a blessing and a miracle he is. We love you, Colton...Happy Birthday!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I've been going through a lot of pictures these past few days, and it is making me realize how fast time is flying by. Before I had children, I imagines the different things that I'd do with them (Oh, the places we'd go and see). I thought about the crafts and cookies we'd make, the movie nights, the giggles, the walks in the park, and all of those magical moments you see in film and T.V. Now, I realize that my time is ticking...I need to get cracking on this marathon, and really focus all of my energy on making my kid's lives enriched with wonderful memories of their precious mother and quality family time.
I never make new year's resolutions, but this year I'm going for it! I'm going to start by coming up with new ideas for family fun time together. Here are my ideas so far...do you have any?

1) Midnight Movies: Without the kids knowing when it's coming, wake them up to watch a film with the family in the big bed
2) Exploring Days: Visiting local trails and parks...maybe finding hidden attractions
3) More Beach Days: We live so close; why don't we go more often?
4) Family Game Night...

From Christmas' Past

I put some photos together of past Christmas' with our family. Last year, our family was blessed with a wonderful gift...our youngest son. It's hard to believe that soon he will be a year old!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

What does THIS mean?

It seems as though there is something in the water. So many women around me are pregnant or just had a baby. Good grief. Is someone trying to tell me something?

(By the way...I did go to the doctor & he said there is a 3% - 20% chance of the pre-eclampsia returning) Hmmmmmm......

A Mother's Mouth...

A little while ago, I thought about the phrases that I say to my kids throughout the day. Yesterday, I decided to keep track of them, and I wrote some down to post to this blog.
1) "Well, life is not fair."
2) "Eat around it."
3) "Where are your shoes? Put on your shoes!" (x5)
4) Me:"What was that?" Child:"Nothing" Me:"Nothing doesn't make a noise!"
5) "Don't use your straws as swords. You could poke an eye out."
6) "Don't hold your pencil that way. You could poke your eye out."
7) "Because that's the way God made it."
8) "Eat this or eat nothing. I don't care."
9) "You need a shower....because you stink."
10) "Not today, not tonight, not ever..."
11) "We don't say that..."
12) "Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite!"

Next time I'll keep track of the things that my kids say during the day! Stay tuned.

Face the Music...

I finally did it. I made my appointment to see my "high risk" doctor. No, I'm not pregnant (yet or may never be again). Stephen and I are TRYING to make an educated decision about having the last little one that we planned before we got married seven years ago. I know a lot about the condition that I had (postpartum preeclampsia), but I still completely freak out reliving it now and then (every time I take my pills, for instance). This is the first step, though. We go October 28th; I'll let you know what comes of it. Yikes....

A Wish List

This is my wish list...just putting it out there!
1) To win the lottery (either by finding a winning ticket on the ground or other means)
2) To move to a larger home where the kids can have their own space (and I want a grown up bathroom!)
3) The ability to sit and be still & think of nothing at all...NOTHING
4) A perfect place of worship & learning that the whole family will love & grow in God
5) A dish washer
6) The ability to travel whenever & where-ever
7) A get-away home in the mountains of Virginia that I can escape to at the drop of a hat
8) To have my kids stop growing at the age of 5...to just stay 5 forever
9) To lose like 50lbs. with little to no effort or giving up the foods that I love
10) To have one more little baby join our family

Ever feel like...

Ever feel like no one is listening?
Ever feel like you're out of the loop...with the rest of the world?
Ever feel like you just don't fit?
Ever feel like you are in a funk?
Ever feel like things have changed & you don't know why or how?
Ever feel like you are in a rut?
Ever feel like you have a lot to say but no ears to tell?
Ever feel like if you were to actually say these things, people
wouldn't get it...or even get annoyed by it?
Ever feel like you have much to offer but have no outlet for it?

Ya, me too...

Yes I do...

Yes, I have three children. I don't think that having three children is unusual, but these are situations that I've encountered regarding my family:

* Strangers stopping me in public (while all kids are in tow) just to ask if they are all mine. Um, yes?
* People that I know have seen me walking to/from weekly events asking me if all the kids were mine. Um, yes? Then continue to act completely shocked.
* When meeting people, Stranger: "You're a mom?" Me: "Yes, I am." Then I proceed to tell them how many we have & their ages...I get this, "What, you? WOW, that's a lot of work. Really? I can't believe that..." You get the picture...
* This one is my favorite, only because I was shocked that someone would actually ask me this..."Are they all with your husband?" OR "Is that why you got married (at the age you did)?"

C'mon people...We have three kids, and I hardly think that TLC will be calling us anytime to do a series on our family...

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

It's that time, again. My oldest boy is turning SIX years old tomorrow! So many years ago, I found out after just three months of being married that we were expecting a baby. On August 29, 2003 he was born on a rainy day. We were excited and felt like the odds were against our little family, but we wouldn't have changed this (then OR now) for anything.
What can I say about Hunter? There are so many traits that I could list, but here are SIX things in honor of his SIXTH birthday:
1) BEST baby...hands down (the kind of kid you could go anywhere & do anything with, slept 9hrs. by 4 weeks...)
2) He's always been very compassionate and sensitive to others
3) He's funny - telling jokes or making faces to get a laugh out of his family
4) He's very obedient & isn't quick to get into trouble
5) He's intelligent - reading since early last year & enjoys school
6) He loves everyone and we love him back more & more each day!

Hunter, thank you for joining our family when you did. We love you so very much and hope that your birthday is great. You may be getting older and bigger, but you'll always be our 1st little baby boy. WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Adventures in Homeschooling...

We've been homeschooling now for ten full days!

This is what I can say about them:

1) It doesn't take as long to teach things to one child than it does to a classroom full of kids

2) Choose your words & vocabulary carefully to teach concepts...otherwise, things get lost in translation

3) You can make any subject fun with a dry-erase board

4) Younger kids will get involved...even if you didn't plan on them joining in

5) Not only are you a parent 24/7, but their personal tutor as well

6) The grocery store is full of school lessons!

The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

Three years ago on August 17, 2006 the most beautiful girl was born. She's truly a blessing to our family. She has made me grow in so many ways. Although my princess has proven to be quite "challenging" at times, I wouldn't change this for the world. Because of her I am a better mother & person. I look at the twinkle in her eyes & fall in love all over again. Her hugs warm my soul, and her kisses melt my heart. I love you my little princess! You are truly the most beautiful girl in the world inside and out!

We're Expecting!

That's right, the Bock family is expecting! We're expecting to bring home our new arrival September 12, 2009! Actually, he's already been born (July 20, 2009)! He's a Scottish Terrier that we've named (are you ready?): Angus Scaliwagg MacBean...we will call him Beanie!!

Reflecting

While we were away celebrating the life Clarence Bowman (1920 - 2009), I was reminded what was important in life. Grandpa Clare was a man that passed with no regrets, no anger towards others, and no strife. He loved his wife, friends, family, and life. He was a practical joker, singer, entertainer, and loved by many. Shouldn't we live that way today; so that at the end of our lives people can say the same about us? Life IS too short for bickering in any form. No matter how different we are; truly, we are the same. Perhaps this is one lesson taken away from a time of grief....By this all will know that you are My (Jesus') disciples, if you have love for one another....

As uncle Jim put it..."Every time a bell rings....That a boy Clarence; that a boy!"

Harsh Reality

Most of the time my blog entries are feel good surface feelings and goings on, but allow me to be quite frank. I am in mourning. I am mourning a child that I never had or will have. I pack maternity clothes with tears, and I sob when packing away the baby clothes that I fear will never be used again. It seems crazy, but I feel an emptiness. One doctor says that I should not have more kids, another says it would be fine. Who do I listen to?

I wasn't prepared for this to be my last pregnancy. We "planned" on one more. I wasn't finished! I wasn't ready to put this all behind me and never hold a newborn again! I never ever thought that anything like this would block my way. Sure, we could go against medical advice (of some) and do it again. But I would be risking my very life. Wouldn't that be incredibly selfish; to risk my life, the life of other around me if I had to go on bed rest, and my family's future? Still, I feel empty.

I wonder what he/she would have looked like. I wonder if my little girl would have a sister. I wonder if I'd be fine with no complications and if I am missing out because of fear. I struggle. I mourn. I cry. I feel weak. I feel so sad. I feel like an idiot crying over it when I have three healthy kids that keep me busy. Still, I feel it. It hurts; will it always haunt me?

What does God really want? Does he want me to adopt, try again in faith, or do nothing? Questions without definite answers. Tears without reason, and mourning for someone that never lived. That is my harsh reality.

Adventures in Homeschooling

After many months of wrestling with the decision about where to send our oldest to school this coming fall we arrived at the home-schooling through a private school option, and here is what I have learned thus far:

1) Picking curriculum is not a job for the weak of heart, mind or patience

2) Making lesson plans is a job for a mind reader...look at the calendar, predict the future of what we'll accomplish that day, and for how long

3) The people you thought would question your decision may support you; however, some people that you though would never question you, do.

4) I've never been so excited or convicted about what I must/can do to make my child's life a steady and firm foundation for his future

5) I need prayer

Big Money

I know that you've thought about it, fantasized about it, and probably (if you are like me) planned it.....What would you do if you won the lotto? Here what crosses my mind:

1) I don't think about winning unless the total sum surpasses 100 million dollars...it's good to set goals!

2) I know that I would tithe...but I try to figure out how much would go where...and what really constitutes tithing...does it have to be an organization or could it be specific people?

3) I think about sharing some of the winnings with our family....but it makes me ponder in what way...actual cash, paying off debt, buying presents...?

4) Where would we have a vacation home...there are so many choices and places that are wonderful...

5) How many people would we see come out of the woodwork?

Ya, all tough decisions...but I think that I can handle it!

Why is it...?

-Why is it that when I am on the phone that is a signal for kids to ask me questions?

-Why is it that I go into a room to get something & I forget what it was that I went in there for?

-Why is it that when we buy something special that we've been saving for a major appliance or car breaks?

-Why is it that if there is a 50/50 chance of being right, I pick the wrong one?

-Why is it that when I am driving & need to turn around I usually pick a dead end street?

-Why is it that when one child is having a great day the other can't behave?

-Why is it that when the one child that usually sleeps through the night trades places with the one that typically has trouble?

-Why is it that when you go to rent a movie, you can never remember what movies you wanted to see?

-Why is it that when I sit down to update this blog my thoughts scatter?

Yup, this is about right....

Anyone that knows me and how my mind works understands this post. I haven't "felt" or been "normal" for a while now, medically. I wish that I could take a vaca from myself, my mind, and from weird things that keep popping up. I don't want to be a hypochondriac...I don't choose to feel like a nut, but sometimes I just do!

Freakish Fears?

I am a tad bit superstitious. Is that wrong? Sometimes I throw spilled salt over my shoulders; I cross off black cats from my path, and I knock on wood. Yes, I also cannot bring myself to wash clothes on New Year's Day for fear of washing someone out of the family (death of a loved one). Kind of nuts, I know. I really don't want believe that bad things will happen, but deep down there is a part of me that is uneasy. I even hesitate to say things out loud (or write them) fearing that I will ultimately jinx my statement or to make a fear reality. Is that kind of crazy, or am I just actually speaking up about a nagging voice that others have as well but no one will speak of (for fear of being deemed crazy)? Crazy loves company....

And So It Goes....

One of my favorite movie quotes from Steel Magnolias declares, "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face." Hidden in the humor the truth that time is going on around us rings true. When I look around at my family I see it. I've been married seven years this August. My oldest will turn six, and my little girl will be three! The baby is nearly six months old. How did this happen? Where does the time go? Seasons come and seasons go but the love of true friends and family last forever throughout them!

Funny to Me...

These made me laugh...I got to thinking that it would be fun to travel over the states and take pictures of funny signs. Hey, everyone needs a hobby, right?

Would You Rather...?

Would you rather love and not be loved back or be loved but never love?

Always wear earmuffs or a nose plug??

Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or Always know their future??

Sweat moderately but constantly 24 hours a day all over your body or have an irremovable metal pin in your jaw that constantly picks up a New Age radio station??

Eat poison ivy or a handful of bumblebees??

Be born with an elephant trunk or a giraffe neck??

Always take a cold shower or sleep an hour less than you need to be fully rested??

Should we get on the ride or not?

We want to get on the adoption ride. We just don't know when and how. Do you know that it costs a bit more than $60,000.00 to adopt two children from Russia? How do people do it, and how will we raise that much money? HOW?!

Yes, No, Yes, No...YO-YO

Ever since I learned that having more children wouldn't be a good choice (according to my doctor), we have been contemplating adoption as an option for our family.
**Alright, calm down; we aren't doing this like tomorrow or even next week. It would be more like in a year or more to even start the process. **
Stephen and I decided that we would want to adopt from Russia. However, when I was going through applications and agencies I discovered that the parents have strict medical requirements, as well. If you remember, Stephen had melanoma three years ago (screeching tires sound here).
That led me to call every adoption agency that I could research to see if we are automatically discounted from the running. So far, two agencies have said that the possibility is zero, and four agencies have said that it may require more paperwork but do-able....
The roller coaster never stops...

In a Bath

Things that crossed my mind when I was taking a "relaxing" bath:

1) I only see Stephen 10 hours a work week

2) I'm so tired

3) What is in this mud mask, and why is it green?

4) Who's crying and why?

5) Wow, steam is so soothing.

6) I'm so tired

7) Did I put the clothes in the dryer?

8) What's the name of that song?

9) I can do math better with a wash rag over my eyes.

10) Why can't I ever relax?

11) I should blog this.....

Five Star Service?

Barista to the left of the employee at the register (while I was at the register):

"Do you know what you want"

Me: Err...Umm...Yes. (Not sure which person to look at) I'll have a tall cinnamon dolce latte.

(Handed the cashier my cash and walked to the pick up counter)

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to say decaf. Could you please make that a decaf?"

Barista: (rolling eyes) "Well, you didn't say that."

Me: "Um, sorry. Could you make it a decaf? Sorry."

Barista: (rolls eyes again)

I took that opportunity to walk slowly over to my seated friend.

Me: "Sheesh, she was kind of annoyed at that."

Friend: "Ya, she looks kind of mad."

Barista: "Kelli, I have a DECAF Tall Cinnamon Dolce Latte!"

Me: Thanks.

Barista: "I already made the regular one, do you want that too?"

Me: "No thanks, I really can't have it."

Barista: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Sorry, No. I can't have it."

Barista: "Well, do you know someone who does?"

(Barista looks at friend ACROSS the room) "Do YOU want this?"

Friend: "No, thanks. I already have this drink."

Barista: (Rolling eyes, again...and announces to the entire coffee house in a very booming voice)

"I HAVE A FREE TALL CINNAMON DOLCE LATTE...DOES ANYONE WANT IT...?"

I took that moment to slide back over to my friend across the room....How obnoxious was SHE?

P.S. - Being an ex-barista, myself. I know that if there is ever a miss-order. You sample the drink out in those tiny cups at the register....not single out a customer with the sole purpose of embarrassing them....

Crazy at Wally World

Whenever I roll into the local Wal-Mart by myself, I have a strange experience. Let me share my latest oddity.

After gathering my wonderful treasures from the mega store, I set out to find a check out lane that held fewer than 100 people in it (not an easy task). Slipping into the "20 items or less" lane the small Asian check out lady acknowledged my presence and turned off her light. She let me know in a mousey voice that I was the last person she'd be checking out (there were 3 other shopper ahead of me). She also wanted me to be the person to deliver that news to anyone who dared come behind me. I laughed. She didn't.
Obviously, as soon as I ended my "I don't really want to do that" nervous laughter, a cart rolls in behind me. All eyes that were in front of me where on me. I made my "I don't really want to" face and thankfully the shoppers behind me decided to switch lanes on their own accord. PHEW.
A man at the front of our line let me know that I was "slacking on my job." Which brought a few smug smiles to the others in line.
Now, that should be enough, but it isn't the end. Another person shows up with ONE item. I then had to tell him and his little girl that I was the last one she was taking. I did slap on a sweet, timid "sorry" on the end, but that didn't seem to make any difference. That seemed to appease the rest of the line.
So, this is the end of my tale? No. I finally made it to the front of the line. The quiet cashier was very sweet. She saw the onesie I was buying for Colton and asked how old the baby was. After a little chit chat she wanted to know what I would get my husband for Valentines Day. I told her that I just had a baby, that should be enough. She gave me a look and began to tell me that I should buy him some silk boxers that were near by. She followed up that suggestion with an eyebrow movement that left me speechless. Oh, my...was this dear, sweet old woman telling me; never mind what she was telling me...it was a little weird...but that is just another adventure brought to ME from my neighborhood Walmart....

More Drama

Yesterday, my kids were in their room playing in the late afternoon. While I was feeding Colton, I heard a child jumping on the bed. I told them to cut it out and that they knew better than to do that. About ten minutes later, I heard the jumping again. Before I could say anything or go in there, the jumping ceased and was replaced my crying. My 2 1/2 year old daughter fell off the bed. We went to the emergency clinic for x-rays and treatment.

It turns out that she broke her collar bone and it was overlapping itself (not a pretty thought, I know). After many tears (from her and mostly me), we were sent home with her arm strapped to her body (to reduce movement), and we had an appointment to see the orthopedic surgeon the following day.

Today we saw the doctor (for Iveigh's Owchy). He looked at her x-rays and told us how common this was. He also said that because she's so young it would heal quickly and nicely without a cast or a need to set the bones. The doctor also let us know that it would be about six weeks of limited movement and will see us again in two weeks to check her progress.

Poor little girl. Getting her to sit still is a nearly impossible task. She's been so brave and in so much pain it actually hurts me when she cries. We've been through so much lately we're trying our best to stand firm in our faith and remember that God is in control. Sometimes it is hard to keep your head above water. I'm looking forward to calmer waters ahead.

Pills....

Well...here's a little update about me. I stopped taking one of the two pills, and have been two-pill-free for eight days today. (step forward...) I did attempt to take NO pills for three days; however, last night, my numbers shot up (after a Samuel Adams during dinner...). It didn't go down throughout the night and in the morning I caved taking the pill.
In less than five minutes, my blood pressure dropped to a "normal" level. That tells me that a part of this is just me stressing over numbers. After taking the pill, I felt defeated and discouraged. Stephen reminds me that I am heading in the right direction. It wasn't long ago that I couldn't make it through the day w/out three pills, then two, now one, and eventually none.
Now I am relaxing with low BP readings (110/70's)....
Next week I am going to my OBGYN for the last time (six week pp checkup) and then my GP doctor at the end of the week....we'll see what they say....

How hard could it be?

This is the first year in our married life that Stephen has had two weeks paid vaca. from work. Nice right? However, you have to request your time off in Dec. for the following year! Plus, they require you to take one full week off and then you can break up the rest of your time throughout the calendar.
This doesn't seem like a problem, but I never knew how hard it was to plan this far in advance! Actually, we've never taken a family vacation together that didn't involve extended family. That left me scrambling with next years school calendar trying to request days off. Yet, because I was in the hospital so long and we put off the vacation plans all the good days and weeks were full from requests from other employees. Great....
Alright, now we have our week laid out this summer, but now we must decide what to do! Should we go away on a road trip? Should we stay close to home...stay at the beach....? Anyone have any ideas? I'm open to suggestions....remember we'll have an almost 6 yr. old, an almost 3 yr. old, and a six month old.....

My Little Cutie Pie!

Enjoy this clip of Colton at one month old. He's beginning the smile and coo!

Cutie and Me

This is my fifth day taking a new pill (Norvasc), but it is my first day with two pills in my system a day (just one wasn't cutting it). Yesterday my BP peak was 148/107...too high for me, so I called the doctor. I think that he's getting tired of me calling so much. He told me to take two a day and to RELAX...

I really am not that tightly wound, but when I have numbers that stay in the high 130's and the 100's and I haven't dealt with this before....it becomes something for me to be concerned about it.

Today, I had two readings like 130/100 but the other ones have been pretty good (125ish/90's)...could the pills be working? Lets hope so!

Monday I go back to my OBGYN for a check up and on Tues. I am headed over to my family doctor so that HE can now help manage my BP (like I said, my other doctor must be sick of me by now).

I've read on the internet that some women take up to six months - one year to get over these BP issues (so that they can get off medication). Hopefully, it won't take that long. That is my prayer!

Pray Pray Pray....

NOW FOR A PICTURE OF THE CUTIE:

Learning

What I have learned about (and because of) this illness I have....

• 2% of women develop it (after childbirth)
• Most of the women online have had more than one pregnancy
• I may be regulated on BP pills for a longer while than anticipated
• My doctor is pretty patient with my phone calls and freak out moments
• I may need further testing to check my adrenal and renal glands...?....
• Pre-eclampsia really sucks after pregnancy because it can't be cured by childbirth....duh
• I am not a patient person...(I already knew that)
• I can not "will" my body to behave....
• Discouragement and Illnesses go hand in hand...
• I pray way harder when something is going wrong...no, that isn't a good thing
• I kind of feel alone and odd having such a weird illness...
• People get tired of hearing about this as much as I am tired of dealing with it

Trying To Heal

The last week our family has been staying at my parents house while I am being "weaned" off my medication. The side effects of the medicine were horrible. I couldn't walk very much because my ears would plug, I'd get a headache, and I'd feel as though I would faint. Trying to take care of three children by myself would be out of the question, obviously (not to mention driving).
I was down to taking zero pills and my blood pressure shot up, again...and my pulse was a bit nuts...high, low, normal....all over the place....I surrendered and took a pill at night to help regulate it and that worked.
I am trying to get off of these pills and get my body back to normal. My body doesn't want to participate. Please, keep praying that everything will even out (possibly over the weekend) so I can be pill free by the time I go back to the doctor, and he can give me a clean bill of health.
Pray Pray Pray....Please Please Please....baby steps

A Pollyana Moment

Lately, I feel as though I have been having a pity party due to my illness that won't go away...SO, I'm having a Pollyana moment to focus on the positive things...

1) I have a healthy baby boy who is gorgeous and enjoys sleeping
2) My husband will do anything for me, including missing work which is very hard for him
3) I have two older children who are now healthy and aren't jealous of the new arrival
4) I can do a little more every day...
5) My friends and family are praying for us
6) God has a purpose
7) My pre-pregnancy jeans are too big
8) I've already lost 28 lbs. as of last Monday....(not exactly how I wanted to do it, but I'll take it)

At Home

Yes, finally after ten days, I came home from the hospital. I've been doing a lot of nothing (laying in bed, sitting on a couch, went for a ride in a wheel chair at the store...took shower, brushed teeth...).
So, I am still asking for prayer from everyone. I need strength, peace, and HEALING!
I still get pretty weak doing anything. Plus, my pulse races (sometimes at 115 BPM) at times when I am doing nothing. That gives me a weird sensation in my throat and kind of freaks me out.
I am trying to let go of control and letting God work. It is just hard, a bit discouraging, and requires patience (which I find that I am lacking).
So please....pray pray pray pray pray.....thanks so very much....